Tag Archives: 700 Club

When Your Past Prevents Your Future…

Maybe like me you have looked at amazing women and thought about just how much they have it all together! And then you remember, well I could never do that or go there because see…I have this dark history that used to remind me that yup, you are invalidated because of your “stuff”.  For too long I let my past prevent my future. I allowed the darkness to overshadow the glowing ember within me that was just waiting for the deep breath to inhale, ignite and begin to grow that light inside of me to a blaze.

Regret was one of the enemies of my soul. I was so filled with regret from the things I allowed myself to partake in as a young teen that shame trumped every attempt at my climbing out of the pit my self-destructive lifestyle had dug. I was living what I deserved falling into abusive relationships, because I wasn’t worthy of anything else. I truly thought that my life was worthless and that I would never know true happiness.

I became a Christian in thanks to Christian media and while watching the 700 Club as a young troubled 30 year old mom of three and in a live-in relationship. It was in thanks to the program’s willingness to show their testimony segments that I realized that maybe, just maybe there was hope for me and my very messy past. So I responded to the call from Pat Robertson to receive Christ by praying with him that day in 1984 and I accepted Jesus as my Savior.

It would be wonderful to say that everything changed that day! And spiritually it did, however it took thirteen years for me to struggle through my past regrets. After getting myself involved in my husband’s church (I married the guy I was living with in 1986) and had started to attend the church he grew up in so that he would feel compelled to come back too. At that time it sure seemed as though it was a ‘do good’ church full of people who were so good that I could in no way feel comfortable as I compared myself to them because of this past I was dragging along. So I couldn’t get close to people in the church for fear they may see my baggage and judge me for it. It took some time but I began to see that many were like me, being very good at wearing masks.

My tendency is to please because I don’t want another rejection! I have been rejected it seems forever. Serious rejections like from the father of my firstborn who got me pregnant when I was just 17, then refused to be responsible for us. And the guy who convinced me to abort our baby because he wasn’t ready to handle another kid just yet…Like relationships that were always based on what they could get from me and then they would leave me. I always gave myself away thinking that was how I could hold on to someone. Oh I was so young, needy and looking for love in all the wrong places.

I am grateful to God for allowing me to get to the place where I began to question if this was all there was to this ‘Christian’ life? A place that brought me to my knees.  And then on my face in a desperate search and desire to know Him, really know Him in a deeper way. I surrendered my yucky marriage, my troubled children and my pitiful life and begged God to do something. It was then that God met me in this pathetic state of being and where He rescued me.

“I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry.

He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay.

And he set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God;

Many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord.”

A portion of Scripture that I have laid claim to and have called my own from Psalm 40:1-3! I am eternally thankful for His redeeming love that was the healing balm poured over me so that I would know that I do have purpose and that He saved me from my past. That is how I am now able to open up and let others know that they don’t have to be silent and that God is more than able to heal our wounded beginnings. My love for Him is immense!

I love this song from Point of Grace and often sing it when I share my story:

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When the Bootstraps Break!

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Desperate for the Sonshine

Visiting over at Grace & Truth today just in case you need encouragement!

Most of us know the saying “pick yourself up by your bootstraps”–a saying that basically means “quit feeling sorry for yourself and get on with your life.”  From a worldly perspective, it sounds like the right thing to do; but it can sure put a guilt trip on those who–hard as they tug–are not strong enough to handle life and its stresses.  Let me just say that there are times when life is just challenging and stuff happens.  So where do we run when it does?

As a young girl I learned early on to fend for myself.  I developed the tendency to depend on no one but me.  I left home at the early age of 15, became a mother at 17 and thought I was getting along just fine.  However, God did not design us to live independently and apart from Him!  I continued to mooch off others and be involved in relationships that were rather one-sided because of my selfish, me first survival mentality.  I learned that if I were going to survive, I would have to keep picking myself up and moving along.

My world came crashing down around me as my first marriage crumbled into adultery and alcoholism in an effort to find true love.  I became overwhelmed by the fact that I was insufficient as a wife, mother and human being; I was miserable.  The only way I could see out of my hopelessness was to take my life.  After all, I had made a genuine mess of everything.  That became a turning point for me as, thankfully, God began stirring my heart and I finally began to think about somebody besides myself.  What would happen to my children?

For the next few years, I sought help by going to church.  I felt the arms of Jesus through the sweet women of the church who reached out to me and encouraged me along.  My wild, spirited youngest son would run up and down the isles of church and I would just cry because I could not make him behave.  A dear saint would gently stop him by scooping him up and holding him through the rest of the service while I sat there blubbering over my inability to control him.  Oh, how those women made me feel loved and ‘church’ became a comfortable place to be.

However, this warm and fuzzy place to be did not fill the longing in my heart.  I began to do a lot of thinking Nyborg 0022about church and what this all meant as far as the Bible and what role it would play in my life.  I could not really understand most of it and the more I questioned the more confused I seemed to get.

It was during that time that I began to periodically listen to Focus on the Family during the noon hour.  I would even tell my youngest son that he had to have quiet time for that half hour just so I could listen.  The help for hurting families began to pique my curiosity, so that I would look forward to fitting that half hour into my day as a stay-at-home mom.

Then I discovered Christian television and the 700 Club.  When I heard the stories of how Christ had  intervened in the lives of people just like me, I began to have hope.  I wanted to be helped just like they had been.  The turning point in my life came when I prayed with Pat Robertson, extending my hand toward the television and I received Christ as I prayed the sinner’s prayer.  This profound moment came at the age of 30.

The most notable difference to me was that the Bible, when I would read it, came alive for me.  I also learned through trial and error that I was better off to grab the extended hand of my God instead of the boot straps that kept breaking when I would pull, trying to pick myself up!

Jesus has rocked my world and the process of being turned right-side up from wrong-side down has been a wild journey thus far, not easy a lot of the time but so worth the journey.  God has filled me with peace and joy even when the road has been rough and rocky.

Friend, if you are tired of trying to make life work, will you grab the extended hand of the Father? He is waiting.  I am not saying it will be easy, but you will begin a journey that you will never regret as you begin a new life in Christ!

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