Tag Archives: Bible

Breaking through Unforgiveness Toward Others

This is a topic that will touch every one of us because even if we happen to be one of the few who has not held bitterness or offense toward someone (come on and let’s be honest), we may have been on the receiving end of either.  It is a topic whose fallout is so detrimental that (especially lately) many books, sermons and Bible studies have been written about it.  I am convinced that of the strongholds we will examine, it is probably the most debilitating.  And God’s Word has much to say about this topic of unforgiveness.

Matthew 5:22-24 (NASB)

“But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, `You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, `You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.”

Wow, such strong words from Jesus!  Really, I am certain that all of us can honestly say we have—even if for a brief time—taken on an offense toward another or internalized bitterness.  In the verse above, the Word specifically says to first go and be reconciled to our brother (the one who has a beef with us) before we can even present our offering to God. Please take notice of the words in parenthesis, or the underlined scripture.  This is addressing one we know might have something against us.  To start with we are being asked to do something that is going to show obedience to God and then release that one for God to work deeply in their heart!

How about this verse from:  Mark 11:25,26 (NASB)

“Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. [“But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”]

Does someone treat you unfairly?  Maybe it is quite noticeable at your job that your boss favors someone who gets byI Forgive You with “stuff” and you who maintain utmost integrity barely get noticed for your efforts.  There may be an unresolved conflict between you and another and you just keep hoping that it will go away.  It could be that someone has done something in your past that was unjustified and you keep expecting them to apologize for what they have done but they are never even willing to admit what they have done let alone apologize for the hurt. 

When I was a toddler my father left my mother to raise me alone.  He was rather irresponsible and unable to hold a job. He apparently had a serious drinking problem that consumed much of who he was.  While growing up, my father was not in the picture at all.  I believe that I saw him once as a four or five year-old and my mom said I wet the bed that night for the first time in a few years.  Argh!  I really do not remember that incident at all (we can tend to block out hurtful experiences.  What I do remember is my mother saying (even until recently) that it is too bad I could not have known my father, as he was such a great guy.  Excuse me–a great guy?  To this day I remind my sweet little momma that “great guys” do not abandon their family leaving them to live in poverty. 

I truly believe that many of the searching and longings in my life have come from not having a father’s presence in my life.  I covered and buried it deeply not realizing there were deep-seated resentments that had woven their way into my little girl’s heart. 

As God began to do a great work in me—the result of crying out to Him for a deeper journey with my heavenly Father—I was introduced to Neil Anderson’s materials Bondage Breaker and Victory Over Darkness.  For those of us who recognize that we have “stuff” in our lives that need to be addressed and relinquished, Neil Anderson has developed the “Seven Steps to Freedom”.  They are all based on our identity in Christ (such key truths to help us mature in Christ).  The steps are a time of intense prayer and acknowledgement of all the areas in one’s life that have been given over to deviant behavior which can be the result of abuse.  I am not going to go into this topic, but instances of abuses of all kinds would seem to be a good reason to never forgive a perpetrator of such heinous actions toward their victim.  It is such a serious time of deep cleansing that it can take hours to go through and because of an enlisted intercessor, things can come to the surface that have seemingly been long forgotten or buried deeply. And such it was with me in regard to how I had stuffed the anger toward my father.

The bottom line of my time going through the steps revealed to me that I needed to forgive the man who abandoned my mother and me.  I was so shocked that I had harbored that intensity of unforgiveness.  I did offer forgiveness to a man I would never see or know and the outcome was that I received instant healing because of my step of obedience to do so.  You see, he had died several years earlier, so I could not go to him personally, but this step was sufficient but necessary and God heard my heart. 

When we are angry, bitter or resentful, bad things happen to us emotionally and even physically if it continues without resolution.  Being an amateur gardener I am reminded of that miserable thing we call quack grass here in northern Minnesota.  It is so terribly persistent and I am telling you that you cannot leave a piece of the stuff behind or it resurrects itself with a vengeance.  So it is with the spirit of unforgiveness or the root of bitterness.  You must not leave a thread of it behind because it will indeed rear its ugly head once again.  I have often said that if we truly forgive someone, we will have to really dig deeply to remember what the issue was in the first place.  Have you noticed that?  You see, you have truly let go and there is no root left to thrive. 

So lets take a moment to pause and reflect on those little hurts that become big issues in our life and can even lead to things like aches and pains and, well, you fill in the blank.  If there is someone with whom you need to mend the fence, will you take the time to really pray for the situation and that person?  I have found that when I am up against a sand paper personality who rubs me the wrong way and just drives me crazy, all I have to do is to stop the mind game of the whys and wherefores and just pray for them.  If I really mean what I am praying then how can I entertain bitterness or anger?  It took me a while to figure out how that worked, but now I just ask the Lord to bless them and to show me how to be kind to them regardless of how difficult they can be.   

Now, Father, thank you for teaching us about just how serious it is to harbor unforgiveness toward another.  This is serious business to You and that means that even if it is difficult, I need to work my way through to understanding how to release ill feelings toward another and exercise forgiveness.  I know that I do not want to be stunted in my spiritual maturity due to my unwillingness to comply and be obedient.  Will you help me, Father, because this is not easy, to forgive and release where You reveal that I need to do so.  I will trust You because I know You have my best interest in mind and that You do not want to see me living in a way that does not glorify You or show the world that You are our ultimate Healer and Redeemer!  I will thank You now for the work You are about to do in my heart as You prepare and make it fallow and easy for the Holy Spirit to bring about miraculous change that glorifies You!  Amen.

Eternity in My Heart…

TreasureOne of the wisest men ever was King Solomon.  In the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon says that God has set eternity in our hearts!  That is a profound statement.  I cannot imagine what that invokes in you, but for me it exposes a lot of wasted time and energy that I have spent trying to ‘fit into’ the world around me.  I am learning that eternity does not describe most of my world thus far.  Too much concern for the peripherals of life.  Too much emphasis on the world’s definition of fulfillment, love, happiness, etc.  Let’s face it-too much ME!

God, Who is continuing to bring healing to my soul, is revealing a mound of insecurities that the enemy has used to keep me pressed down and ineffective.  However, I have found and can proclaim that ”Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world”…ah, ha!  For that I praise His name.  Now the key is to discern the difference.  Like so many, I have had a skewed perspective on life and what it is all about.

Line BreakThere is a hymn titled “This World is Not My Home”, written by Albert E. Brumley, that sure puts it straight, as the first couple lines of one stanza read:

This world is not my home I’m just passing through

my treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue…

(and then it finishes with)

I can’t feel at home in this world any more.

So where are we laying up our treasures?  This is a question worthy of our personal reflection.  You may be familiar with this Scripture from Matthew 6:20,21:

“But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

I have heard some well known Bible teachers mention “just look at your check book if you want to see where you are laying up your treasures.”  Solomon tells us the truth when he says that God has placed eternity in our hearts, but most of us are not living as God created us to live. Click To Tweet Dare I say most of us are living as though this world is all there is.

Let me ask you (as I question myself), what treasures are you investing in?  Worldly or heavenly?  You see if I am going to be overly concerned with fitting into the worlds ways (which my insecurities tend to push me toward) then I am forsaking looking beyond today to gratify immediate worldly (or as the Word puts it ‘fleshly’ desires.)

Have you ever thought of the perspective between our life on this earth and eternity?  I think it is an amazing picture of contrast much like looking at a model of the solar system as we compare the size of the smaller planets to the sun.  Or our galaxy to the rest of space, a bit difficult to put in perspective.  But that being said, for myself, I need to keep tracking on purposeful living, with an eternal perspective!

Let me close with one very simple thought that God has used to spur me on to the right path, “Love God and love others.”  Not that it is an easy transition, but I can be intentional about simply loving God.  Daily spending some time with Him, enjoying His presence and then freely letting Him mess with my old patterns of living as He shows me my world through His lens.  The rest is up to me to willingly begin to lay up my treasures in heaven for His glory!

When the Bootstraps Break!

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Desperate for the Sonshine

Visiting over at Grace & Truth today just in case you need encouragement!

Most of us know the saying “pick yourself up by your bootstraps”–a saying that basically means “quit feeling sorry for yourself and get on with your life.”  From a worldly perspective, it sounds like the right thing to do; but it can sure put a guilt trip on those who–hard as they tug–are not strong enough to handle life and its stresses.  Let me just say that there are times when life is just challenging and stuff happens.  So where do we run when it does?

As a young girl I learned early on to fend for myself.  I developed the tendency to depend on no one but me.  I left home at the early age of 15, became a mother at 17 and thought I was getting along just fine.  However, God did not design us to live independently and apart from Him!  I continued to mooch off others and be involved in relationships that were rather one-sided because of my selfish, me first survival mentality.  I learned that if I were going to survive, I would have to keep picking myself up and moving along.

My world came crashing down around me as my first marriage crumbled into adultery and alcoholism in an effort to find true love.  I became overwhelmed by the fact that I was insufficient as a wife, mother and human being; I was miserable.  The only way I could see out of my hopelessness was to take my life.  After all, I had made a genuine mess of everything.  That became a turning point for me as, thankfully, God began stirring my heart and I finally began to think about somebody besides myself.  What would happen to my children?

For the next few years, I sought help by going to church.  I felt the arms of Jesus through the sweet women of the church who reached out to me and encouraged me along.  My wild, spirited youngest son would run up and down the isles of church and I would just cry because I could not make him behave.  A dear saint would gently stop him by scooping him up and holding him through the rest of the service while I sat there blubbering over my inability to control him.  Oh, how those women made me feel loved and ‘church’ became a comfortable place to be.

However, this warm and fuzzy place to be did not fill the longing in my heart.  I began to do a lot of thinking Nyborg  0022about church and what this all meant as far as the Bible and what role it would play in my life.  I could not really understand most of it and the more I questioned the more confused I seemed to get.

It was during that time that I began to periodically listen to Focus on the Family during the noon hour.  I would even tell my youngest son that he had to have quiet time for that half hour just so I could listen.  The help for hurting families began to pique my curiosity, so that I would look forward to fitting that half hour into my day as a stay-at-home mom.

Then I discovered Christian television and the 700 Club.  When I heard the stories of how Christ had  intervened in the lives of people just like me, I began to have hope.  I wanted to be helped just like they had been.  The turning point in my life came when I prayed with Pat Robertson, extending my hand toward the television and I received Christ as I prayed the sinner’s prayer.  This profound moment came at the age of 30.

The most notable difference to me was that the Bible, when I would read it, came alive for me.  I also learned through trial and error that I was better off to grab the extended hand of my God instead of the boot straps that kept breaking when I would pull, trying to pick myself up!

Jesus has rocked my world and the process of being turned right-side up from wrong-side down has been a wild journey thus far, not easy a lot of the time but so worth the journey.  God has filled me with peace and joy even when the road has been rough and rocky.

Friend, if you are tired of trying to make life work, will you grab the extended hand of the Father? He is waiting.  I am not saying it will be easy, but you will begin a journey that you will never regret as you begin a new life in Christ!