Tag Archives: Dealing with Unforgiveness

Go and Be Reconciled

“…Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.”

So my former co-worker and I discussed the portion of Scripture above. And having gone through some studies that deal with ‘offense’ this came to light again today. First of all how important it is that we have right relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ (not to mention all the other wonderful and not so wonderful people in our lives.)

Here is the Scripture in its context: 

“You have heard that the law of Moses says, ‘Do not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the high council. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell. 

“So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. Come to terms quickly with your enemy before it is too late and you are dragged into court, handed over to an officer, and thrown in jail. I assure you that you won’t be free agian until you have paid the last penny.”

I am now understanding that I just don’t have a ‘right’ to carry a grudge or to hold on to a misunderstanding with another person. But…why is it so hard to set these things right with a brother or sister I may have offended or royally ticked off? Well, what about that person who observes my actions and sees me as a ‘goody two shoes Christian’ yet can’t get along with my brothers and sisters? What am I showing them? Probably that I am no different from the rest of the world. But I know that I am supposed to be. I am sanctified and set apart. This means I should operate in and with love not being ‘holier than thou’ but holy unto God. I believe this means that I need to look different (responding with actions that reveal a heart of love) to those who observe how I behave, with compassion and being more like Christ!

Father, will you forgive me for my reactions to people, and help me to see we are on this journey of becoming more like You and that means that I need You to teach me how to forgive and ask to be forgiven. These aren’t easy lessons, Father, and my spirit is sometimes very wounded, but I want the transformation into Christlikness to grow and continue even if it hurts. Thank you for Your love and patience towards me, Your daughter who so often times blunders her way through life! I love You, Father and know you are working all things together (in my life) for good.  Amen

Maybe the issue of forgiveness and offense has come from extreme circumstances, please know that God can help you work through this situation by handing it over to Him!  He will make a way and bring healing and peace to your situation…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5-Q1zAhqpA]

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Shackled by a Heavy Burden?

“Shackled by a heavy burden,
‘neath a load of guilt and shame…”
The the hand of Jesus touched me,
And now I am no longer the same.”

The Gaither Vocal Band wrote the lyrics to this gospel song, which after a walk in the woods one morning with the pup, kept coming to mind and I began to sing it.  I was admiring the beauty of the freshly fallen snow but as I glanced at the trees they were so heavy laden with that thick weighty load bearing upon the branches.  I am sure that some of them were close to breaking and I thought of how familiar that is to us when we are full of unconfessed sin.

Sin is a very heavy load to bear, after all, the Father didn’t design us to carry that kind of a weight around!  It is a weight that will eventually cause damage physically and spiritually. Physically we hide our sin and by hiding or stashing it we become unhealthy in our actions trying to cover up our mess.  And what about the guilt that we carry around because of our sin? It could be from something we’ve done or said or we might live in denial pretending that we have done nothing wrong yet wonder why our happiness and joy is stifled, only a facade.

Spiritually speaking, we might do likewise as we pretend that our walk is just fine and that all is well.  When in fact we for some reason have a difficult time with people, you know, those certain ones who remind of us of a place we would rather not visit.  Or those especially nice ones who make us uncomfortable because they seem so clean and right. Finally, there is a void when we don’t know Jesus and He doesn’t reside or dwell within, don’t you just want peace with yourself and with others!

“Then the hand of Jesus touched me,
And now I am no longer the same…”

I have learned that sin is a weight that is not intended to be carried. My sin and guilt was so overwhelming that I wanted to die…my load of guilt was nearly unbearable! I am unable to soar bearing its load.  God created me and you to fly like an eagle and soar to great heights. But by carrying an unnecessary burden, I become handicapped so to speak, unable to attain those things that God has destined for me!  But there is a remedy…

Psalm 51:17 “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart–these, O God, You will not despise.” (NKJ)

God delights when we turn from sin! There is no degree of one sin over another, it is all unacceptable to Him. And there is nothing sweeter than being released from that burden which stood in the way as a road block between me and God! No more guilt, no more shame and one thing is for sure, the world takes on a whole new look when it isn’t skewed with our sin and guilt!  You see, God provides enough grace and mercy daily for every wrong we confess.  After all, He delights in our fellowship and right standing with Him because of the sacrifice His Son Jesus made on the cross.  When Jesus rose from the grave on Resurrection morning, He made a way for us to have life and a relationship with Father God. It was extreme love, given for us!

John 15:13 says it clearly, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” (NKJ)

And like the song continues…

“He touched me, oh He touched me,

And oh the joy that floods my soul!

Something happened and now I know,

He touched me and made me whole.” 

So if it is unforgiveness, adultery, abuse, a besetting sin, the sin of unbelief, you just name it and give Him your burden, don’t delay, it belongs at the foot of the cross! Jesus blood covers it and God has already forgiven it!

Visit Grace and Truth for more encouragement.

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The Toxic Root of Bitterness

I love being outside, digging in the flower beds, cleaning the beds up 

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and planting…it is just therapeutic.  While doing so I pray, or ponder the deeper things in life, ha!  But sometimes I have stewed, stewed over an offense that I have had with another person.  I would become obsessed with the wrong they had done either to me or another person.  Why you can almost make yourself sick with poisonous thoughts and wrong thinking that bubbles forth and becomes literally toxic!

God gave me a great analogy of the root of bitterness.  Those of you who garden know all about that nasty quack grass.  I don’t know its horticultural name but I could just call it miserable, nasty, persistent, obnoxious…you get the picture.  The more you till it the more it breaks into smaller pieces that root and grow.  With its sharp little pointed ends it determines to push through anything except maybe a rock.  But even a rock can be skirted around.  It is all but impossible to get rid of it without a chemical invasion!


When we hold on to our bitterness, it becomes like that nasty weed as it pushes its way into our hearts and then begins to grow tentacles until it has overtaken our thoughts completely.  When we are consumed with ill thoughts of others we release poisonous thoughts toward them and we become stifled spiritually.  Even our physical body can become poisoned!  God’s Word issues this warning in Hebrews 12:15 “looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled…” This warns us that the root spreads, causing trouble and will even defile others!  When you have troubles with someone you may spread your ill feelings by “venting” to someone else which in turn may influence them away from the one you are in conflict with.  You spread and grow your bitterness to gain a reason to hang onto the offense instead of bringing it to the Lord and asking for His help in resolving the issue.  If one of the keys to right living is to love one another as Christ has loved us then what in the world do we do with toxic thinking toward others?  


I had a huge issue of unforgiveness toward a father who had abandoned my mother and me, and honestly, I didn’t even realize it was there!  As I continued to grow in my faith, I wanted a better understanding of my identity in Christ.  I became a strong proponent for the Freedom in Christ Ministry and God used Victory Over Darkness to help me realize that I needed to be cleaned up.  After being a Christian for at least 13 years, I knew there was more to this journey than I was seeing.  As I cried out to the Lord wanting to know Him more I was led to go through the “Steps to Freedom” after working through the book I had read.  It was a very difficult step to take but I did.  I was amazed to discovering that I had a wall the size of the Wall of China wrapped around my heart that came from bitterness toward the father whom I never knew.  Basically, I pretended that he didn’t exist.  During my four hour time of confession and renouncing I realized that I had to forgive this man.  It seemed unreasonable to forgive someone who is dead and gone, someone you will never see face to face, and tell him that he is the reason you looked for love in all the wrong places and got all messed up…you can see what was beginning to be unloaded.  But the bottom line is I did the right thing, I forgave him for abandoning us and I let it go.  The result became an opportunity to draw closer to God because my bitterness wasn’t in between my Father and I any more!  I walked as light as a feather the week following knowing there had been a huge breakthrough in my life.

King David says it so well in this portion of the Psalms:

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit.”  Psalm 51:10-12 (NASB)

Are you willing to let go of your stuff?  Ask God to reveal any root of bitterness that may be poisoning you.  You will grow closer to the Lord and you will see joy return to your heart by dealing properly with any offense you might be holding on to.  Friend, the journey with our Lord is exciting!  Don’t short change yourself by clinging to stuff that is holding you captive.  I would love to hear from you if you have struggled with unforgiveness.  Please email me at kimberlydnyborg@gmail.com and let me hear of your decision to release!

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