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Ponderings from 2014

Thanks Fam
Thanksgiving 2014

Visiting the #Loft as we reflect on 2014…

Unlike my later quarter of 2013, this year has been a year of living out my new normal. A year of making the huge shift work and frankly I am not there quite yet but I can see it coming.

This has been a year of big adjustments because in October 2013, we welcomed a kicking, screaming (not really, just emotionally) 90lb stubborn momma into our home instead of sending her joyfully back to Orlando and her home. That is her home as she knew it to be yet would be no longer!

Along with this transition came a brief period of depression and some revamping of our home, my time, my writing agenda, quiet time with my husband and many other little tidbits that come with a new routine! This year in many ways has been exhausting yet there is a real peace that has come from this act of complete surrender.

My little, barely five pound mom doesn’t know Jesus. At 84 and riddled with health issues, there ain’t much time left. My husband and I agree that God brought this about by placing her in the best place for her to able to receive the gospel. I am thrilled, just a bit weary. She isn’t difficult (just sometimes very stubborn) it is just that I have lost most of my freedom in the process. To which I willing relinquish so that she will know my Jesus.

We do have our glitches and there are days I get weary when her colitis is on the active side (poor woman can’t enjoy what you and I can anymore!) And I am thankful that there is space in our home for my husband to retreat into (he uses the family room downstairs to watch a different kind of television that she does) and I am still trying to figure mine out.

My prayer as we end this year is that whatever it takes Lord, I know you are putting the pieces in place, just come Lord Jesus to this hard-hearted stubborn woman so that she can meet You, the Prince of Peace! If you feel inclined after reading this please pray for little Joan Von Mithoff, as we are trusting in His perfect plan.

From the Message Paraphrase is this gift we now live out upon receiving Christ,

But whoever did want him, who believed he was who he claimed and would do what he said, He made to be their true selves, their child-of-God selves.   ~John 1:12

Apart from Jesus’ return, this could be the best finish of the year!

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My Right to be Right?

Humility1There will be those days when you wonder who you are really living with and comments are made that are hurtful and seem to come out of nowhere! But then I think at this point in my marriage relationship that we have come too far for that! Well guess what, even though my husband and I just celebrated our 28th anniversary, we can still fall into a nasty slump with each other. It still isn’t pleasant and it still hurts!

However, I am learning to see that it is important that when those crazy moments come that truth is what I need to focus on. Do we still love each other? Does he know that I still love him? In these times I need to let this guy know that yes I am hurt but that nothing can make me love him less, even if he is being cranky and saying hurtful things. Oh how our mouths can get us in trouble! And whether you admit it or not we all say hurtful stuff at times!

For me some time has to lapse so I can mull things over and settle down and see clearly that number one: I am not battling him but I am battling against our enemy the devil who would love to see our marriage fall by the wayside. Second is that we can get through this onslaught. Okay…and so how does this happen?

My word in this season has been humility. I do not believe that resolutions happen without it! I have to stop and be willing to look not only at him and his behavior toward me but I have to look at me. What did I say or do that may have fed into the heated argument. Finally, can God bring us through this? Well of course He can and He will. But am I willing to let go of my right to be right? Or exercise my right to “give him what for” because he was nasty and ugly to me? My battle is won by letting God know I was hurt and asking Him to show me how to bring about a right resolution without driving the wedge deeper into our relationship. Then I asked God to show me how to have a humble spirit or attitude when we discuss the situation.

I often pray out to God Psalm 51:10-12 and it really sets the tone for my attitude so that I can come to my offender in humility and ask his forgiveness in my part of this wrongdoing. I will say however that my guy’s heart is turned when I tell him that it really hurts when someone you love treats you unkindly (then describe the way I saw it played out.) It needs to be gentle and without intimidation. Proverbs 15:1 sure is the key isn’t it!

Oh that it would always play out like that! Or that we would never ever again, have a misunderstanding. That would be grand! However, I am learning from these instances after all these years! My hot headed responses are giving way to a more gentle and godly approach that leads to a resolution we all can grow from! After all, our Father has shown us the perfect example of that very response…

“Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?”  Romans 2:4 (NASB)

What are you willing to lay down to enter in to a resolution?

What good quality about your loved one can you point out in reconciliation?

Lord, I know that there are plenty of days when I won’t do it right. I ask you to give me your discernment when it comes to disagreements and remind me that I have relinquished my right to be right! Instead I will choose to do the right thing for Your sake and glory, in Jesus Name!

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Au D’ Clutter…

TreasureSadly, I want to make a confession…I am a clutter bug! There, I made it public! It’s Just another step in the process of recovery. How does one go from hardly anything to so much more than I will ever use let alone need? For many years as a young mom I could pack what I owned (apart from a few pieces of furniture) into a few boxes. But in the process of my first 6.5 years of my first marriage I began to accumulate and accumulate and when I moved after divorce it was a completely different story.

When we built our house and had to go from a trailer into a house it wasn’t quite so bad but…over almost 28 years I have been overwhelmed with stuff…stuff I confess that I will never ever use. Argh, this is just crazy and the last couple of those years have shown me that there really is a problem with possessions but that I am now at a place where I have begun releasing stuff.  After all, what is the point of having boxes of things that may never be utilized? Oh Lord help me!

And indeed He sure has given me the freedom to begin that letting go process. When I read Francis Chan’s book “Crazy Love” a few years ago I was kicked in the pants. I realized first of all, that this life I am living is not about me. Now that took me down a few notches, for sure. But during that process–after being shown that maybe my purpose is not to build Kimberly’s kingdom but God’s—He began to show me some stuff that helped me see from His lens not mine! Like my lovely remodeled family room…which as we were painting and varnishing, building and installing would be nothing but wood, hay and stubble if it couldn’t somehow be used for His kingdom purposes. Yikes! That was a rude awakening.

I began to pray as we were in the finishing process and I asked that God would use this room for ministry and that is just what it became. A place that was inviting and safe to hold a small group of young moms…and then it was a place to hold a small group of couples.  That just amazed me how the Lord completely changed my perspective on this home front so that it would be used for His glory and not my own! Wow, what a difference perspective can make!

My recently deceased brother-in-law had cut down a tree on his lake property and the creative man that he was, sliced this huge cedar tree lengthwise and then began to engrave on it sayings and such and give them as gifts to family members. Well appropriately for us was this Scripture:

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” Luke 12:34

Nyborg 0042It now is placed on a wall in this ‘family’ room and does a great job of reminding me not only of this room’s purpose but my own while here on this side of glory…

Have you wondered about your purpose here on earth? Ask the Father to show you and you will begin to see the tangible way you can be utilized to help others find Him and their purpose!

Father, there are days when I really feel like I fail at serving with all my heart. Knowing I have a long way to go and a short time to get there I am grateful for the lessons that are finally getting through and reminding me of my purpose in this world, to minister and bring others to Your saving knowledge! Let me be Your hands and feet in this scary world we are living, revealing the hope that only comes from knowing You through Jesus. In Your Name I pray.

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My Home, My Sanctuary…

Birdnest on CrossI remember the days of chaos in my home. Screaming kids and stuff everywhere. Discontentment does that to our homes! I was not happy with anything, complained about everything and joy was superficial. This is not a happy home!

This is what chaos means according to Merriam Webster:

Complete confusion and disorder; a state in which behavior and events are not controlled by anything

So sadly, my heart and home were a real disaster area where one would rather depart from than be welcomed into!

If you want to put stress on your family, drive away your spouse, wonder why your kids are hanging from the chandelier, this may give you a clue. I truly understand because I was there once upon a time.

I did not have peace in my heart. God was not even welcomed in my dysfunctional  environment and there wouldn’t have been room for Him anyway. For years I existed in this disarray becoming more and more miserable.

Then at age thirty I was introduced to Jesus Christ. God used Christian media to show me what it could look like on the other side of my whirlwind. In my desperate state, getting ready to flee, unable to take many more days of utter confusion, I said yes to Jesus because of the testimony of a couple who were living much like I had been. When they received Christ, they found the Prince of Peace! You see, I was desperate and I wanted that peace!

Over the next 20 years the Lord began to redirect my life and turn it right-side up to where home looks completely different than it once did. His perfect peace filled my heart gave me a resting place within instead of that heart of discontentment.

As God’s peace infused my being I realized that my environment was beginning to be more orderly and complete. Dare I say that our environments reflect our souls? My home has become a sanctuary and a place of welcoming. I know God is here because of the peace I feel when I walk through the door. No, I don’t have altars set up but the environment is for the most part a welcoming place.

I am still working on my minimalizing to help me with clutter tendencies but it is coming along. This place is where my husband desires to be and on those hectic days out and about I long to retreat into because God’s peace is present!

So do you struggle with finding peace in your home?

Is it sometimes difficult to return to when there is disorder awaiting you as you open the door?

The most important element can be the state of your heart. Be willing to look inside and see what it is that may be out of sorts and begin to purge and rebuild from the Father’s perspective so that your heart and your home will exude His peace that passes all understanding.

Take a moment and visit Philippians 4 to help you in your pursuit of a “peace that surpasses all understanding…”

Father, I am going to refuse to succumb to chaos any longer and I ask for Your perfect peace to fill me and guide me as I learn to walk in it. I want to lay down all areas that bring confusion and chaos and I’m asking You to replace the messes inside of my heart and home in exchange for Your peace. I am trusting You to rebuild me as I hand over to You my surrendered heart…in Jesus’ Name.

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One of the Best Tips I Have Received!

Let it goOne of the best practical tips I ever received…

Visiting over at #TheLoft today and thrilled to be with some excellent women of God!

Has anyone ever said to you “Oh just let it go!” I heard it today and shared it as well. There are times when an issue needs to be resolved, a theft or a murder, absolutely! But what about the seemingly little things that come and go throughout our day that can drive us crazy to no end! This girl has had to receive and heed her own advice, to just let it go.

The ‘some ones’ in my life seem to be part of my most difficult choice to abide by that rule of thumb. In and of myself, I cannot make someone respond by what I would call ‘correctly’ whether it is to own up, or apologize for an offense or wrong doing. In my mind I play that game of ‘justice’ and the harder I play at it the more convoluted things begin to look.

Now I know what Matthew 18 says about those who ‘may’ have an issue with you and by gum, somehow I am suddenly carrying the thing I am trying to get rid of! What??? And I know about the 7 x 70 rule that Jesus expects us to live by but I always get in the way of it!

So intentionality has to come in to play here where I look at what I am able to control…that would be me and my emotions! Maybe I am making more out of a scenario than I need to? And my assessment wants to scream ‘but they did…’ and then I hear those words, just let it go. Yup sometimes it really is the best choice to make instead of allowing myself to get bent out of shape over something hardly worth picking at. Like a scab you know!

Seems like a cop-out but friend, a lot of the time it can spare a lot of bickering and wrong thinking toward another. Rather let’s just choose to just “Let it go!”

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This Process of Pruning Really Hurts!

pruned posiesThere is one thing I especially enjoy in summer and that is the color it brings. Thus far we haven’t had a frost yet to halt the growth of summer. So…that means that the flowers I have blooming are really at their peak in growth and fullness all for us to enjoy, ahhh. Although I am not a ‘master gardener’ I do enjoy messing around and planting and seeing what colors look lovely together. This year I choose soft butter yellow marigolds and a soft purple ageratum for my annuals. They are full lovely and full of blooms. But it was only a good month or so ago that I had to hack them down to nothing, leaving not a bloom to be seen. I also do that when I plant them. I trim off all the flower buds so that they only get concerned about their root system growth and to encourage more bud growth. It works every time! Fuller blooms and fuller foliage.

I have found that there are many lessons learned from observation and as I was walking past admiring my posies it once again came to me that growth hurts. But it has to be that way for our persona to become who God created us to be. The tough stuff that happens in our life will either make us grow closer to Him (allowing that sanctified change in us) or it will cause us to remain stagnant. Remaining stagnant could even cause us to shrivel up inside.

In the book of John there are some practical lessons for the branch (that would be us!)

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit”  John 15:1-2

Ask a rose grower if a blossom becomes a beautiful rose without the harsh pruning shear taken to its stem at the right time in the season. They will definitely say NO! And so it is with us. We need the harsh realities of living in this world to help us represent Him! This truth doesn’t make me overjoyed because of sorrow but when it comes I try not to push it away and pretend it hasn’t happened. You may have heard at some time that God loves us too much to leave us as we are. We are here, to show others who He is. So when the trials come that he uses to shape and mold us into that Christ-like image it can be a bit painful!

“But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.”  Romans 6:22

Let’s just say that I want to bear fruit and glorify God with my life. But unless we are willing to allow ourselves to be shown that which is useless and unlovely in our hearts we won’t move forward…

Lord, there are days I am frustrated with my ignorance of the work You are wanting to do in my life and in my heart. You just can’t imagine how I really do want to be all You desire for me for Your sake and to bring You glory. Right now I give myself to You to have and do as You please whatever it takes to bear the fruit of being Your disciple. Not to make me perfect or special or anything that would seem puffed up and prideful. No, just so those who don’t know You would see You in me and be drawn to have a desire to know the King of my heart. I love you Jesus!

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Can God Speak through a Fortune Cookie?

Fortune CookieMany years ago while in a spiritual growth spurt I remember being extremely frustrated that in my dreams it seemed as if I wasn’t a christian.  There is probably a doctor of something who has studied this kind of stuff and would be able to tell me why this happens…but that being said, I almost felt like only part of me was saved but not my subconscious.  It really began to bother me in the dreams I remembered.  (I typically don’t remember many of my dreams.)  If I belong to the Lord then I am His conscious and unconscious!  No split personality going on here!  So I began to pray and ask the Lord to please let me know that I am 100% his, through and through without wavering, asleep and awake!

It was but a few weeks from my intense request of the Lord when I had a dream that was incredibly vivid and even in color!  I think most of my dreams are black and white but the few real God-dreams I have had have been in technicolor–vivid and very intense.  I don’t remember who it was that I was with but that we were running and hiding out as if we were being pursued by someone.  I remember scenes of running up and down back outside staircases like on  apartment buildings and then suddenly I was with many others who were being ushered on a train.  I then realized that I had been taken captive.

Suddenly, soldiers were one-by-one taking people like me and executed us with machine guns.  It was soon to be my turn and I remember being grabbed roughly and as the gun was placed to my head and told I was next that I started to sing the chorus to “I Am Not Ashamed of the Gospel”. I am not ashamed of the gospel, the gospel of Jesus Christ, I am not afraid to be counted, but I’m willing to give my life…”

And suddenly I woke up, completely amazed at what had just taken place in my dream.  You might enjoy listening to this powerful song yourself at the end of this post.

So what about the fortune cookie you are thinking?  About two weeks after this vivid dream that I believe was an answer to my request of the Lord, I found a fortune cookie placed on my desk at work.  We had a youth radio station and it was manned by young adults and they were such a blast to work with and have around and I was pretty certain that one of them had put it there.  so I opened it up and read it and was in total amazement as to what it said (I have to print it out because it is too faded to read from the picture above)…

You begin to appreciate how important it is to share your personal beliefs.

Okay, you may say whatever you want but have you ever seen a fortune with a message like that?  Not me!  And that was a confirmation for me that God not only heard my prayer but he answered it in a very dramatic way!  For some reason I needed to experience what He allowed me to live out in my dream and then it was as if He was said to me that I was His through and through!  Whew, the content of my dreams began to change after that and I no longer doubted whose I was!  And that old, yellowed and faded fortune remains taped to my computer screen at work!

Enjoy and older Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir presentation with Damaris Carbough…

I Am Not Ashamed of the Gospel

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I’ll Do It Myself!

When my heart says ‘I can do this on my own’, that old spirit of independence rises once again inside of me insisting that I don’t need anyone, because I am able to do this on my own. Maybe you have dealt with that little song in your head that the enemy likes to play so you won’t ask for help!

Matthew 1129I don’t know about you but I have a couple of generations of strong-minded, independent spirits in my family line and I have to say the line continues (much to my dismay.) Therefore, I now see that this isn’t where God desires for me would be. And to top it all off I see it as a huge stumbling block in coming to Christ. God must be amused when He sees us travailing in our own strength or frustrated because we have taken matters in our own hands instead of placing our situations into His. Paul gives us this wonderful Scripture in Philippians 4:13…

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

And this should be a reminder that we weren’t created to go it alone!

Think of a yoke and the purpose it serves…for two animals to be able to work as one. But an independent spirit rises up and says I don’t want to be yoked to anyone else. Then Jesus comes along and says to us…

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me…” Matthew 11:29

Seems to me that Jesus encourages us to be yoked to Himself and by doing so we learn to not only be dependent upon Him but we also learn His character in the process! Share on X And isn’t that where we should be on the ‘life journey’ we are traveling?

What is it that prevents you from asking for help whether from others or God?

So today, I am going to resist thinking I can do it myself and trust that God will provide a way in each situation that will accomplish not just getting the job done but also getting it done in His timing and His way. Today, I am going to lay down my pride, admitting that I do need help and that I can’t always do it on my own! As I have seen the freedom that comes in being conjoined to Jesus and allowing Him to work in and through me, I have asked why, why did I try doing this alone? And even, wow, I couldn’t do this on my own! We were meant to be dependent upon Him!

Lord, I can sure get in the way of all You desire to accomplish. Today I pray for those I know who are struggling to admit they need Your help. Thank You for the sweet freedom and peace that comes from letting go and allowing You to take the reins of my life. Let the outflow be a picture of peace as I willingly lean upon You in all things, in Jesus Name.

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Crying Out to God…

Psalm 18-6Have you ever been to a place either relationally, emotionally or physically where you have literally cried out to God?  I would suffice it to say that most of us have been in the throws of pain from either of the three mentioned catalysts where we hurt to the point that there is no other way but to cry out! We may not even know God intimately but use His name while really letting it fly…aloud, in hopes that relief will come, from somewhere!

This is not something new to me and every now and again I have to just let it out because there is no other way to get relief.  Not long ago I was in tremendous physical pain. I was uncomfortable standing, walking, sitting and laying down and I finally ‘cried out’ to my Father imploring relief from my pain.  I know that there were some friends out there praying for me and for that I was so grateful.  It was about fifteen minutes after I ‘cried out’ that the pain began to lessen and soon I could at least lie motionless without being in a constant state of misery. I was dealing with some sort of bulging disc issue that came about from doing something stupid. I knew the minute I made the motion that I was going to pay the price! Many of you  know how debilitating that can be!  I am not one who likes to use drugs but I was definitely using the Aleve that night but at one point even they seemed useless.

I woke up the next day feeling much better and hoped that this would somehow relieve itself.  But, all that to say that I am so grateful that God hears and responds to our cries of pain.  Look at these words from David in Psalm 18:6

In my distress I called upon the LORD, And cried to my God for help;

He heard my voice out of His temple, And my cry for help before Him came into His ears.

After looking up the many verses where the men of old ‘cried out’ to the Lord I was convinced that they knew where their source of help came from!  David however, topped them all for he was finding himself in predicaments all the time!  And in his quandary, he often turned to his God.  Remember, he learned this early on–being known as a young man who was after God’s own heart!

When we find ourselves in “dire straights”, you have some options, you can run to a friend (or friends,) try to fix the situation on your own, visit the doctor (don’t get me wrong, they have their place!) or you can cry out to the One who knows you inside and out.  He actually inclines His ear toward you that He might be the One you visit first!  As His children we are blessed to know the Father intimately so that in times of distress we can always turn to Him knowing that He hears our cries for help!

Abba Father, You are so good to Your children and I am sorry when I put You last on my list to ask for help. Thank You for showing me that I can run to You first because You care for my well being like none other.  Thank You for healing my pain and working in all situations for my good and to bring You glory!

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Got Prayer?

Nyborg 0011I can think of too many times when I have thrown my hands up in the air and said,  “I just don’t know what to do!” My goodness, what a sorry statement that we all make at the times when God is right there waiting to help us in our predicament (no matter how small or large it may be.) It is all about retraining our thought process. We are not so, hopeless, helpless, defeated, whatever you want to call your situation that you cannot call out to God.

Do you need prayer? Right now is a perfect time to let God know what is going on in your heart. Stop your fretting and cry out to him and let Him hear your situation…nothing fancy, no special words or as simple as “help me Lord, I’m…”

One of the elements on this website is to be able to provide prayer support for you. Please know that it is okay to pray with a stranger who believes in the power of God to intervene in your circumstance. You can check out my prayer page and if there is anything you would like prayer for, I am here to pray for you and your situation.  So give it a shot and really, what do you have to lose? We are meant to pray for one another and share each other’s burdens. This is not a flashy ‘hear this’ kind of thing but a sincere and honest place to talk to the Father. God speaks pretty clearly about making prayer a big showy deal:

“Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.” the Message paraphrase

So how can I pray for you today?

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