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It’s a New Year…

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Happy New Year – Herrys Photos

Maybe like me you are pondering and wondering just what will be in store for this New Year. Not just for me, but also for our country and world. Will this be the year our Lord returns to take us home? Will we be able to continue to freely worship, unlike our brothers and sisters of the persecuted church? There are a lot of situations out there that are on the precipice of change today, and some are rather scary while others are welcomed. But naturally I am wondering how the year will unfold for my family’s lives.

As I look at the year ahead, I see an opportunity to correct things in my life that are out of alignment and in need of adjustment. This year I can set a determined course to walk in a different direction than I have previously. I have too many areas in my life that are screaming to be altered. I don’t like resolution thing mostly because I am tired of making and breaking them. I want to grow and be transformed, which will take some purposeful living on my part.

Isaiah 43 tells of God’s redemption of Israel and the housecleaning of its enemies as He prepared to wipe out Babylon. Through the prophet Isaiah, God declared that Israel should not look back but be ready for what He has in store for it. Verses 18 and 19 (from The Message translation) say, “‘Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands.”

Looking back and dwelling on the could’a, would’a, should’as is a waste of time. It is also used by the enemy of our souls to keep us from embracing the new — which comes through a willingness to change and alter our way of thinking and doing. Getting out of the familiar and into the unknown. Is that hard for you? Well, it sure can be for me, but I am going to give it a try. If I am so busy looking backward, I can’t see what is right in front of me–the new road through the hard places and the refreshing pools that God gives us for our renewal.

Sounds all fine and good, doesn’t it? But seriously, it is time to rise, put aside the old and move into the new. Are you willing? Will you lay yourself on the altar (so to speak) and allow the Lord to cut away the diseased areas in your life? If there is bitterness, can He remove it as He breaks your hard heart and gives you a new heart that is soft toward those you have held in contempt for too long? Will you allow Him to fill the void in your heart that you continue to stuff with excess food, unhealthy relationships, excessive spending or busyness with other people’s lives and judgmental attitudes about others?

Let’s journey together and make this the year that we respond lovingly to the unlovely ones we all know. These are old patterns that God would love to expose in us so that we can move forward, instead of standing still as we grind ourselves deeper and deeper into a rut that seems too deep to get out of. Our God is able!

I can’t wait to see the outcome those responses will bring to those difficult situations. Let’s seek Him with all of our hearts so that His gentle hand of correction will turn us in the direction He desires for us to walk in. I say it all too often–this life is not about me and what I can get out of it. It is about serving Him so that others may know Him and the power of His Resurrection.

May you walk in His blessings and happy New Year!

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So Much to be Thankful For!

Thanks Fam
From our family to yours!

 

As a child of the King, I am so grateful for new life in Christ! The Lord has saved me and I did not even realize I needed to be saved or rescued.  But, He restored me and is making me whole.  He looked down on this lost lamb and claimed me for His very own. 

I am thankful that I have a Father who has given me more than stuff, He has given me life which He promises in abundance! And on most days I feel full to overflowing with His love. 

I am most thankful to have free access to my Father and whenever there is a need He is there to help me.  He even lets me share Him with those who do not know who He is. 

“Oh come, let us sing to the Lord! Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms. For the Lord is the great God, And the great King above all gods. In His hand are the deep places of the earth; The heights of the hills are His also. The sea is His, for He made it; And His hands formed the dry land. Oh come, let us worship and bow down; Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker.”  Psalm 95:1-6

Not only has God given me life and in abundance but he has given me love and people to share that with, family, friends and even strangers who need to see God’s love in action. 

You see like King David said,

” I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!”  Psalm 27:13,14 

I can be thankful for all kinds of stuff for I have so much but I am most thankful for the sacrifice of Christ which made a way for me to know God as my Father, Provider, Redeemer, Peace, Healer…stuff is temporal but this life in Christ is eternal! 

A Blessed Thanksgiving to You and Yours!

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When Your Past Prevents Your Future…

Maybe like me you have looked at amazing women and thought about just how much they have it all together! And then you remember, well I could never do that or go there because see…I have this dark history that used to remind me that yup, you are invalidated because of your “stuff”.  For too long I let my past prevent my future. I allowed the darkness to overshadow the glowing ember within me that was just waiting for the deep breath to inhale, ignite and begin to grow that light inside of me to a blaze.

Regret was one of the enemies of my soul. I was so filled with regret from the things I allowed myself to partake in as a young teen that shame trumped every attempt at my climbing out of the pit my self-destructive lifestyle had dug. I was living what I deserved falling into abusive relationships, because I wasn’t worthy of anything else. I truly thought that my life was worthless and that I would never know true happiness.

I became a Christian in thanks to Christian media and while watching the 700 Club as a young troubled 30 year old mom of three and in a live-in relationship. It was in thanks to the program’s willingness to show their testimony segments that I realized that maybe, just maybe there was hope for me and my very messy past. So I responded to the call from Pat Robertson to receive Christ by praying with him that day in 1984 and I accepted Jesus as my Savior.

It would be wonderful to say that everything changed that day! And spiritually it did, however it took thirteen years for me to struggle through my past regrets. After getting myself involved in my husband’s church (I married the guy I was living with in 1986) and had started to attend the church he grew up in so that he would feel compelled to come back too. At that time it sure seemed as though it was a ‘do good’ church full of people who were so good that I could in no way feel comfortable as I compared myself to them because of this past I was dragging along. So I couldn’t get close to people in the church for fear they may see my baggage and judge me for it. It took some time but I began to see that many were like me, being very good at wearing masks.

My tendency is to please because I don’t want another rejection! I have been rejected it seems forever. Serious rejections like from the father of my firstborn who got me pregnant when I was just 17, then refused to be responsible for us. And the guy who convinced me to abort our baby because he wasn’t ready to handle another kid just yet…Like relationships that were always based on what they could get from me and then they would leave me. I always gave myself away thinking that was how I could hold on to someone. Oh I was so young, needy and looking for love in all the wrong places.

I am grateful to God for allowing me to get to the place where I began to question if this was all there was to this ‘Christian’ life? A place that brought me to my knees.  And then on my face in a desperate search and desire to know Him, really know Him in a deeper way. I surrendered my yucky marriage, my troubled children and my pitiful life and begged God to do something. It was then that God met me in this pathetic state of being and where He rescued me.

“I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry.

He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay.

And he set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God;

Many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord.”

A portion of Scripture that I have laid claim to and have called my own from Psalm 40:1-3! I am eternally thankful for His redeeming love that was the healing balm poured over me so that I would know that I do have purpose and that He saved me from my past. That is how I am now able to open up and let others know that they don’t have to be silent and that God is more than able to heal our wounded beginnings. My love for Him is immense!

I love this song from Point of Grace and often sing it when I share my story:

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Going ‘Round the Mountain

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Love Joy Peace Faith

Do you ever find yourself sick and tired of going around and around the mountain and making the same mistakes over and over again and again?  Wow, I sure do and I get so frustrated with myself when I do thinking ‘haven’t I gotten this lesson yet?’ Thankfully this has ignited my desire to draw closer to God.  I knew that God had something so much sweeter for my life but that I would have to jump some hurdles to get there. 

For me, it was a matter of learning to lay down my pride, and acknowledge that I could no longer rely on my own resources to keep from making the same mistakes over and over again.  Don’t you just hate it when you are in repeat mode?  You self-talk asking God to never let it happen again and then boom, repeat.  It is embarrassing to continually do, react or forge ahead and then realize that you have been on this pathway before!  For instance, my marriage was not going to improve unless I was willing to work on me.  My tendency to be judgmental and critical  of others was not going to stop until I realized that I had to make a very purposeful choice not to look at others comparing myself with them and criticize.  My ministry was not going to go forth until I was willing to be honest with my struggles and work on allowing the Lord to refine me in the furnace of His love, being content knowing that He would use me right where I was.  You see, God really wants us to flourish and grow and go forth in His name and for His purposes.  And finally that I would stay committed to relationships with Him, my husband, children, work and friends to the best of my abilities and most of the time.  Not in my strength but in His. 

Where God was and is concerned, I had to make a choice (and daily make that choice) to spend  time with Him first and foremost!  This is where I have learned the answers to the hard things involving all my relationships.  Learning to love my husband in a fresh way unlike I never had before.  Friends, it has changed our relationship!  I suppose realizing that I cannot control anybody but me is nothing really new but God made it fresh for me as I focused on what I could do to better our relationship instead of expecting and demanding that my husband needed to change.  I am only able to change me!!!  With my children it was similar in that I could not control their lives like I used to try to do to keep them from learning the hard way like I had to do. They have to learn their life lessons in the same way I have, through their own choices and mistakes. 

Work was merely a matter of being content where God had placed me.  I am not one who enjoys confrontation and a few years back we had a lot of confrontation going on and frankly I wanted out.  Not realizing that God was up to some big and exciting things that I could have very well missed out on.  So every interesting job posting that became available in town I would apply for.  But God certainly had something else in mind.  He has kept me at Psalm FM Radio to serve in the capacity of the office administration and on air for over 23 years. And I have now been part of a very exciting ministry including the “Vertical Connection”, my radio program.  For almost ten years I have hosted a two hour radio program to encourage listeners to draw near to the Father’s heart.  A side note of thanks to a former employee who saw something in me that I never dreamed I could do, and I thank Gene!  We just never know where God is going to take us and sometimes He takes us kicking and screaming while saying “I can’t do that!” 

These tests and trials that come through our relationships with others, whether they be Christian or not, really matter to God.  We are members of a body.  We are not all the same (thankfully) and we have so much to offer each other but more importantly people are the litmus test of getting this God-walk right!  I know we are all in process and we do not have it perfect this side of glory, but, how we treat each other is crucial from the stand point that the outside world looks at us in expectation that we know how to do it right.  I think the song says that “They will know we are Christians by our love…”  and we do know how to do it right.  But the question is will I choose to do it the way I have been instructed and shown from God Himself through Christ? Loving God and loving others? Or will I continue to circle around the mountain again and again never taking the next step upward? 

We can always justify our actions whether anger, jealousy, injustice or whatever other reason that is out there.  But as my dear friend and I were sharing recently, the bottom line is we are responsible for making the right choice.  By doing so we deny the flesh and by doing this we allow the flow of the healing balm of reconciliation to be applied to whatever the offense was that tore us apart. Our Father and Creator, is fully aware of our short comings and struggles.  And although we will continue to make wrong choices it is certain that we will make less wrong and many more correct as we purpose to serve and spend time allowing the Lord to change who we are into the image of His Son Jesus.

I know how hard it is, believe me, but for me I am now at a place where I have tasted the sweet rewards of my Father when I do it right and I would rather take that next step up the mountain than let my frustrations and disappointments continue to hold me back because of repeating the same mistake time and time again, keeping me at the baseline.  Henceforth, going round and round the mountain!

Ephesians 5:1,2

Therefore be imitators of God as dear children.  And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.

Father, You know the sorrow that plagues me when I mess up.  I can only imagine the disappointment that You must feel when I have to take the same test over and over again.  I truly have set my sites on You and I really want to show others just how much You love them by the way I live my life and treat others.  To be Your representative I ask that You give me the courage to change me and I surrender my frustrations and all that I think is justified in exchange for Your grace and ask that You would help me to humbly wear and put on Your love for others…in Jesus’ Name.

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God’s Amazing Grace

At one point I found myself reading through Paul’s book of Romans. I confess that I haven’t been there for quite a while and upon revisiting especially chapters 6-12 I have been halted for further contemplation. 

The first week found me intrigued by Chapter six and pondering the marvelous grace of God yet the warning (in Paul’s fashion) to not take advantage of it! With an aire of sarcasm he says, “what shall we say then? and, what then?” several times to get our attention. Followed by the phrase, “may it never be!” Below are some of his well known quips to help us understand that by God’s grace our sins are covered but not so that we can continue in sin but so that we can be free from the bondage of sin. (From NASB)

:1,2 “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace might increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?”

:12-14 “There fore do not let sin reign in your mortal body that you should obey its lusts…but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law, but under grace.”

:15 “What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? May it never be!”

I like the wrap here. Paul says that we are to be obedient from the heart. God knows the heart doesn’t He. We can’t hide a thing from Him. We can ‘do’ all the right stuff we want but unless our heart’s motive is pure it doesn’t mean nothing. 

One of my weaknesses is dealing with the issue of food and how it affects my body. I honestly enjoy food and the tastes it has to offer.  But, I have struggled with weight issues even as a kid and since my early 30’s. It is a struggle but over the years I am working on taking off the poundage I have acquired along the way. 

In later years as part of my weekly ritual of being involved in a prayer and worship night on Tuesdays, I would fast. I believe in fasting and it really is an incredible thing when done with a pure motive, but I have done it with and without pure motives. When the Lord spoke to me one morning as I was preparing to begin my fast (sometimes no food, sometimes fruit, or sometimes no evening meal) He simply said to my spirit that I was really fasting to maintain my weight instead of to seek and draw closer to Him liked I tried to maintain.  This was a real slap because I had reasoned it out that I was doing a very godly thing by denying my food for the day. To have my Father tell me that it has many times been for the wrong reasons was like, well, getting busted. I was rather amazed at how this ‘good’ thing became sin because I was not doing it for its original intent. So how could Kimberly, who died to sin still live in it? How contrived we can become! 

Well, the lesson here is that I need to check my reasons for doing what I do. I was doing a good thing that became a tool to help keep my weight in check and to ‘look good’ or impress those who observed my denial. Wrong motive! I was so embarrassed by the obvious game I was playing with myself and God that I have been very hesitant to fast since then and I don’t very often as a matter of fact. I know that God has forgiven me and really, I am grateful He did! I was becoming enslaved to sin. And here is the beauty of God’s amazing grace, by my own admission of that sin, God has gently corrected me and helped me to move beyond it so that when I do fast it truly is for the right reasons. God is glorified when I am operate out of obedience and a desire to present myself as a living sacrifice. I still have a long way to go in regard to my eating issues as I learn to eat to live and not live to eat but that is just part of the process that I am going through to be more Christ-like.

Here is the basis of my gleaning in Romans six:

obedience = righteousness (right standing with God)

righteousness = sanctification (set apart for God)

sanctification = eternal life (to be forever with my King) 

Chapter six concludes beautifully stating that we have been freed from sin, and enslaved to God (whom we willing serve with a pure heart) with the outcome of our obedience being eternal life.

Lord, I thank you for your amazing grace that sets us free from the life we live in sin. This process that we must endure hurts especially when the truth is pointed out and we have been living enslaved to something that doesn’t glorify You. I love the final verse of chapter six where Paul tells us, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” I don’t understand it all completely but I am getting a glimpse the picture and I just ask that You would continue to show me when I am not serving You with a pure heart. I love You Father and I want Your smile when You look at me and I love what Paul Young put in his book “The Shack” when he wrote of You saying that You are particularly fond of that one.” May ‘that one’ be me!

Love, Your girl!

 

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Lessons from a Schnauzer!

dscf1621If you happen to think you have things figured out enough in your life and that you and God are on the same page but for some reason you keep going round the mountain, give me a moment of your time to tell you my story. 

I went through this huge test–simply put–because I always think I know what’s best for me! However, that can come with some troubles, and I am ashamed to admit it, because surely by now I should know better (not fun to admit I’m am a slow learner.)  But I am going to risk some vulnerability because I have a feeling that I am not alone! Maybe you have a decision you are getting ready to make that could change the direction of your life. It could involve a serious relationship, a financial investment or job opportunity. Whatever it is let me urge you to read this somewhat humorous lesson and ponder its implications before you cautiously proceed. 

Determination! That’s me ever since I can remember. I have always been and still am a very investigative sort. Yes, that can be a great attribute when channeled in the ‘right’ direction. How else would we ever know that there are (for example) planets that are part of a ‘solar system’ and that we (planet Earth) belong to one of them? Unfortunately, in my life it has become a stronghold that has gotten me into lots of trouble and this spirit of independence has plagued me even as a more ‘mature’ Christian. You see when I get something in my mind, I am not easily deterred. One might just reason it away saying I lack common sense at times. But what I really need to have is a plan before taking action and remember how vital it is to have a witness of agreement with two or more to help discern whether or not I am really hearing from God.

You would certainly think that a few hard lessons would reign in this young lass who stepped out into some pretty bizarre situations. Like running away from home at 13 and again at 15 (not to return.) My younger years were strange years and I grew up rather quickly. Yes, I was rather impulsive.

Gratefully, I became a Christian at the age of 30 and God began His deep work in me as I have learned to surrender the many areas of my will with its baggage and consequences (and the deep pain in my heart) to the Lord.  I am learning that as it says in John 15:5 “I am the vine, You are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” And this is where I want to begin, now that you have some background.

Let me begin by honestly saying that I really am beginning to like who God is creating me to be. “Lord, please keep me teachable so I don’t quit growing!” I also add that there is a whole lot of refining to be done. As with all of us, I am in process and will be until Christ calls me home. So most of the time I really do appreciate what God is teaching me and doing in my life. Now here’s where I will reveal one of my strongholds to you–I still like to call the shots and think I know what is best for me. I forget Whose I am and Who knows best!

My husband and I now have a this dog who was a darling little puppy that I totally obsessed over until I got her. You see, after having to put down our sweet old “Chelsey” dog of 13 some years ago, and then putting down our inherited Sheltie (acquired from Jerry’s dad when he went home,) it was then time to get what I wanted and thought would be best for us to have. I have wanted a Schnauzer for a long time! So for two months after the Sheltie was gone I searched online high and low and researching as I went, for our Schnauzer. They are great dogs, smart, sturdy, healthy and cut too! My husband decided that he didn’t want any more pets (we also have a Siamese cat) insisting that when these were gone there would be no more. Yours truly persisted to convince him that we really should “try one on for size” assuming that he would just fall in love with her. I did pray about it, a lot. But let me confess, I did not wait on the Lord and like I always do, took matters into my own hands. Yes, Kimberly knows best. In July we acquired our first standard Schnauzer. A scrawny 3.5 month-old black female from Canada (Manitoba to be exact.) I even had her name all picked out before hand, Elsa, a good German name for a good German dog, and it means ‘God is my oath’.

So you ask “What’s the point?” Let me tell you how God has and continues to use this little dog to teach me some stuff! I have learned some vital stats about ‘Kimberly’, like don’t make me wait and don’t tell me no! And I have had to pay the price for my resistance to learn. Old Frank Sinatra may have sung the song but I keep living it out, ‘doing it my way’.

She is pretty cute don’t you think?

Our little Elsa is a smart little Fraulein and she really learns quickly the fun things. But…there is a very stubborn and determined side to her and as smart as she is she came with a few issues.

  • Coming off the farm, everything about city living scares her. (I should have named her Skiddles and when she first came through the door of the house, the cat greeted us as she always does and little Elsa freaked and poop literally went everywhere!)
  • She had a horrible case of round worm–yuck–that we had to deal with including diarrhea issues for several months and that was no pleasure to clean up! (Two doses of medicine took care of that and we were good to go although the vet blamed the kennel rearing–how would I know?)
  • We got her at 3.5 months which gave her head start in nurturing her strong will not to mention that the housebreaking took forever (we finally made headway at 7.5 months and they are supposed to be EASY to train!)
  • This little dog has a strong will that runs competitive with mine.

Argh–what have I done? Now I haven’t painted a very nice picture have I. So please, don’t get me wrong, she has her delightful moments and can be a lot of fun. It is just that there are a few hurdles we are going to have to jump through before it is all said and done. 

 So what’s all the fuss anyway? First of all, I forgot the time involved with a puppy. For a time and a season I have had to give up some pretty precious time that God and I spend together. I must say that that has been the biggest adjustment for me. Especially our first three months together. I have missed my time to write, read and study or do the little extra things around the house and I so look forward to once again being able to have time back. My mornings and evenings have involved puppy sitting while I try to read my Bible in between disciplining her for snatching the newspaper or pillow when I’m not looking. I know, this is all very typical puppy stuff.
I am also concerned that I am getting old and cranky! A few frustrating times of training–the experts always say don’t push it if you’re frustrated–have given way to some harsh reactions on my part. I hate that! And have had to cry out to God for forgiveness and mercy for being so harsh. I don’t want to ruin her sweet spirit and cause her to be afraid of me. That has been very hard for me to deal with. Who wants to think of themselves as a harsh disciplinarian? Firm and loving, that is the way.

As I conclude this I have realized that things are definitely getting better. (As she learns and I learn.) But for a time I thought what have I done, and am I going to regret once again demanding my own way and going ahead of God? The thoughts have come and gone regarding what we could have had if I had waited for God’s best. Like when the vet says his Schnauzer was house broken in short of two weeks at under two months old! Or will she ever get that “stay” is for her good and so is “come”. With all the deer in our yard I wonder what would happen to her the day she decides while off the leash, to chase one. Will I ever see her again? I know by heart the verses in Proverbs 3:5,6 that say,

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

But I forget the rest of the story when I read verse :7

“Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil.”

Ouch, the Proverbs can really make the tough calls! Old Solomon was in tune to his maker! So when will Kimberly realize that God, Abba, knows what’s best for His girl and that it is so much better to wait than to regret? His best is always for our best even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time or that is is just taking too long?

I pray that as God has redeemed the jump-start girl once again He alone can bring beauty from ashes. Our Elsa is learning and is now grown up. She has matured into a tremendous companion to me and my husband. The ride is slowing just a bit and as you can see I even have some time to do a bit of writing these days, yeah!

Well, if you can identify with my plight, let’s pray and ask God to give us what is ultimately His very best and nothing less and the courage and patience to wait on the Lord. Let’s pray

Pappa, once again I jumped ahead of You and You have gently reminded me that Father knows best! I really do want to give You my strong will and I also want to give You that part of me that thinks I know what is best for me. You know how impatient I can be when I don’t get my way. Just let me learn this time as I surrender. Thank you for your word in Isaiah 40:31 that says we really do gain great strength from waiting upon You. Mounting up with wings like eagles, running and not becoming weary and walking without fainting. What a promise awaits those who are willing to hold on for Your best. I want that and I am so tired of the learning curve as I traipse around the mountain again and again in this area. Please deliver me and give me the courage to stand fast as I wait on You, in Your powerful Name, Amen!


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Out of the Desert…

I have had my dry times–spiritually speaking–where it seems as though I am crawling  through molasses. Have you ever experienced that? Everything is just as it always is and I then begin to sense the growing barrenness in my life. That old feeling of walking alone and out of sync with the flow. Everyone else seems to be alive and excited to be serving God but for some reason, I feel blah spiritually!Those times have been too often and frankly I do not like being there. It is a pathway that is weighty and bordering on sorrow and dare I say depression? 

I have never been in a sand dessert but for a time I did live in the northern part of New Mexico. It is not quite the same but there are some similarities with the hot dry, summers. In a sand desert, there is some life but not a bustling flurry of activity as in a thriving forest. It is simply too hot and dry.This ugly cactus plant of mine is rather similar to the plants that grow in the desert. It tends to thrive on very little water and it is so ugly that I almost wish it would die so I could get rid of it. I think it is about 45 years old and as you can see it doesn’t get huge. What grows (very slowly I might add) are these ugly long fronds or whatever you call them with their prickly little edges (although not like the usual cacti with its thorns.) It sits rather lopsided in my pot and obstructs my husbands view of the television if I don’t turn it around the other way. 

My dry times can be just like that old cactus, dry, barren, lonely and fruitless. It really is a terrible place to be. I am not even nice to be around because I have no joy, motivation or energy. I just want to hang it up. Interestingly, it even causes those that I am around to get cranky, like my husband. My hard places don’t just effect me, they also have an impact on those around me. My co-workers know when Kimberly Dawn is going through rough times because I am usually a pretty joy-filled person. (Praise God!) But not with the weight of the world on my shoulders, pressing me down! Or a mind preoccupied with relationships gone awry. 

However, it is in these valleys where my sorrow is caused by my own poor choices. If you are a relational person like me, you know how important people are in your life, you need them to interact with and fellowship with and just to enjoy life with. Thank you Lord for creating fellowship with one another. But then a quirky communication takes place and an offense comes along and suddenly the joy has been robbed. I have reacted by making provision for the flesh, and harbor bitterness or jealousy in my heart and wham, down I go and it is time to linger in the desert for a few rounds about the mountain. My thoughts are possessed with wrong thinking. My reactions are very “me” centered around all my thoughts and hurt feelings. Woe is me, they don’t understand, what about my feelings on the issue and don’t I have a “right” to feel the way I do? Just look how they have hurt me! It is amazing what we will try to justify! 

When I go to bed at night, I want sweet thoughts and pleasurable memories of my day or week. I want to reflect on the goodness of the Lord and to be able to see His hand in motion throughout my day. If I am in the midst of a desert experience I can’t see any of that, just poor, miserable me. If I dwell too long in that place I become dryer, harder and more and more lifeless and bitter in my own defense. What an icky place to be! 

How in the world do I come to an end of my desert journey? Thanks be to God for the power of the Holy Spirit in spite of quenching His Spirit with my “me-ness” mentality. Something jogs my heart and I begin to see that I am the problem not the other party. I’m the one who is holding on to the bitterness, unforgiveness, anger and resentment because all I can see is how mistreated I have been. God’s Word has sooo…much to say about the above list of excuses we use to stay in our desert-land: 

This Scripture from Matthew 5:23,24 really sheds a spotlight on relational issues out of sync:

So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.

I am believing that my offering to God is not going to amount to anything with resentment at the root of my heart. And I have worshiped and wondered why I couldn’t sense His presence and wondered why He seemed so distant from me. 

From Romans 13:14 Paul tells,

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.

And this includes along with all sorts of immoralities, strife and envy.  And once again from Mark 12:25

But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.

You have to admit that forgiveness is a huge issue in God’s eyes. I guess that means that I better make it a priority also. God says 7 times 70 and that if I cannot forgive then I too will not be forgiven. God forbid I don’t get a grasp on this one! So, what is my excuse now? Can I really justify my situation any longer? I don’t think so! Okay Holy Spirit, show me how to get myself to the watering hole ’cause I am so parched and desperately longing for Your presence once again. 

You see, with enough sunlight and just the right amount of water, that ugly old cactus does an amazing thing every once in a while. It unpredictably blooms. Sometimes only one or two but these huge gorgeous blooms come out of the most unlikely places. And like that blooming cactus, I too need adequate time in the “Son” so that I can produce fruit that will please my Father and bless others.  

How’s your heart today? Are you filled with bitterness and anger? Unforgiveness and resentments? The Lord would have us walking in the fruit of the Spirit which is right where I need to be so I want will exhibit those attributes toward others. It is through a victorious life that this fruit grows and is used to show others the love of Christ.

 Galatians 5:22,23

But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law.

Father, will You show me my unpleasantness and its root? I don’t want to be there anymore. I want the fruit of the Spirit to be evident in my life so that when others look at my life they see You. Help me to root out all the negative things like anger, resentment, bitterness, envy and strife those things that keep me in bondage. Set me free and even if I need to go to someone for forgiveness will You give me the grace to humble myself and approach that one so that we might be restored to fellowship with one another and with You? I trust that You will work out all the details of this in my life and that You will receive all the glory, honor and praise due Your Name. I will lean on Your promises and trust this to be resolved in Your perfect timing. Restore me Lord to Your presence and fill me with Your sweet Holy Spirit, in Jesus’ Name, Amen

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It’s the Right Thing to Do!

I recently received a revelation dealing with relationships. More specifically in dealing with relationships between believers. I am pretty certain that we all have been in the situation where we have either had an injustice done to us by a brother or sister-in-the Lord or we see these things being done to another. I don’t know about you but my first reaction is “how could they, and they call themselves Christians.” Honestly, like it or not we have all been on either side of the situation.

Before I continue, I want to put in a disclaimer. As I was laying in bed last night the Lord prompted me to do so because some of you are going to react negatively to this…I am not referencing people who have issues with being abusive, neglectful, or controlling. I do address the issue of confronting one caught in sin later. I am saying that all of us at some time or another have either mistreated or observed one who has mistreated or taken advantage of a brother or sister-in-the-Lord. If you want to discuss this further with me please feel free to email me personally. I do understand!

It really takes a person that is mature in their walk to respond correctly–in love and with grace–to a situation like this. Most of the time we begin to rally the troops, spread the scenario around like jam so it gets good and sticky and makes the offender out to be a horrible person. Even though they really aren’t horrible but have treated another horribly.

You have to love when the Holy Spirit does a number on you as you enter into the battle zone and suddenly you are heavily impressed upon to see the error of the way you are thinking and responding toward an offender. (I will call the person an offender simply because they mistreated another brother or sister-in-the-Lord.)  In a particular situation, my first reaction was to stir the pot of gossip…do you know what so-and-so just did…I can’t believe they treated _______ like that!

Don’t we typically think that Christians wouldn’t treat each other that way? Come on, that es a wrong assumption. Let’s face it, we all walk in the flesh from time to time but the bottom line is we shouldn’t. Here is a passage of Scripture that hits this on the mark:

Galatians 5:13-16

For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another! I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

And the fruit of the Spirit is, love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…It is so easy to ignore some of the fruit, “longsuffering”, “kindness” and especially (for me that is) “self-control”. If we believe our instruction manual, it rather looks as though we have an obligation to one another, don’t you think?

Let’s go to an interesting story in the Old Testament where we see Noah enjoying the fruit of his labor, from his vineyard.

Genesis 9:20-24

Then Noah began farming and planted a vineyard. And he drank of the wine and became drunk, and uncovered himself inside his tent. And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside. But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it upon both their shoulders and walked backward and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were turned away, so that they did not see their father’s nakedness. When Noah awoke from his wine, he knew what his youngest son had done to him.

At this point Noah has done something foolish and been found out by his youngest son Ham. Ham then goes and make issue of it with his brothers Shem and Japheth. But they, instead of embarrassing their father, chose to cover his nakedness. As a cross reference to verse 21 we read in Proverbs 20:1 that “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise.” The two brothers were looking out for their father’s reputation and they wouldn’t even look upon him in his embarrassing state.

Let me ask you, have you done foolishly as a believer? There are many scenarios in my mind that I can replay that I sure wish weren’t there. Times where I opened my mouth and inserted my foot and wished I could take back what was said. You see, if we love God and love others then we need to take this new command and live it out, first with our brothers and sisters. In our own eyes we might look better, we might be a better “Christian” or maybe we are the somebody that really needs to set that person straight! This from Proverbs really speaks loudly to me

Proverbs 6:16-19 (ESV) “There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers”.

Now I can hear someone say wait a minute. Are you saying that we don’t expose their sin? There is a mandate on how to handle that. In Matthew 18 it talks directly of confronting one caught in sin. But before I go there I better be sure that the log is out of my eye and my motives are only out of love and for the betterment of my brother or sister.

I wonder what happens when a non-believer witnesses the correct response to the outrageous behaviour of another beleiver? I would like to think they see one who loves God and loves others. Not bringing shame to the offender and not being antagonistic or a false witness. Although, I confess that this is still not easy stuff to appropriate! For the worldly way and our natural tendency is self-motivated but the Christlike way is selfless. The world says to expose, embarrass and sling the insults because it makes us appear better and they the fool. Christ’s way is just the opposite, we do not damage the reputation of our brother or sister.

So I’m certain I won’t pass every test that comes along in this area. But, when I do act correctly and look out for the well-being of a brother or sister-in-the Lord, as obnoxious as they can be, I have peace with myself and God.  And interestingly enough even with that offensive person.

Father God, these aren’t easy lessons to learn but this is a battle I want to win for Christ’s sake. I ask for wisdom and discernment to quicken immediately within me so I can see when I am headed in the wrong direction with my thinking. When I feel like I have every right to be angry at someone for whatever reason, let me hear Your still small voice speak “not I, but Christ..” We are not in this to win battles but to win others to Christ and to exhibit Christ’s love in all kinds of situations in life. How else will they know we are different? Like the old song says, “they will know we are Christians by our love…” Thank you for teaching me these hard lessons and giving me the heart’s desire to love You and love others. I surrender once again my right for Your will. In the powerful, life-changing name of Jesus!

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Breaking through Unforgiveness Toward Others

This is a topic that will touch every one of us because even if we happen to be one of the few who has not held bitterness or offense toward someone (come on and let’s be honest), we may have been on the receiving end of either.  It is a topic whose fallout is so detrimental that (especially lately) many books, sermons and Bible studies have been written about it.  I am convinced that of the strongholds we will examine, it is probably the most debilitating.  And God’s Word has much to say about this topic of unforgiveness.

Matthew 5:22-24 (NASB)

“But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, `You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, `You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.”

Wow, such strong words from Jesus!  Really, I am certain that all of us can honestly say we have—even if for a brief time—taken on an offense toward another or internalized bitterness.  In the verse above, the Word specifically says to first go and be reconciled to our brother (the one who has a beef with us) before we can even present our offering to God. Please take notice of the words in parenthesis, or the underlined scripture.  This is addressing one we know might have something against us.  To start with we are being asked to do something that is going to show obedience to God and then release that one for God to work deeply in their heart!

How about this verse from:  Mark 11:25,26 (NASB)

“Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. [“But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”]

Does someone treat you unfairly?  Maybe it is quite noticeable at your job that your boss favors someone who gets byI Forgive You with “stuff” and you who maintain utmost integrity barely get noticed for your efforts.  There may be an unresolved conflict between you and another and you just keep hoping that it will go away.  It could be that someone has done something in your past that was unjustified and you keep expecting them to apologize for what they have done but they are never even willing to admit what they have done let alone apologize for the hurt. 

When I was a toddler my father left my mother to raise me alone.  He was rather irresponsible and unable to hold a job. He apparently had a serious drinking problem that consumed much of who he was.  While growing up, my father was not in the picture at all.  I believe that I saw him once as a four or five year-old and my mom said I wet the bed that night for the first time in a few years.  Argh!  I really do not remember that incident at all (we can tend to block out hurtful experiences.  What I do remember is my mother saying (even until recently) that it is too bad I could not have known my father, as he was such a great guy.  Excuse me–a great guy?  To this day I remind my sweet little momma that “great guys” do not abandon their family leaving them to live in poverty. 

I truly believe that many of the searching and longings in my life have come from not having a father’s presence in my life.  I covered and buried it deeply not realizing there were deep-seated resentments that had woven their way into my little girl’s heart. 

As God began to do a great work in me—the result of crying out to Him for a deeper journey with my heavenly Father—I was introduced to Neil Anderson’s materials Bondage Breaker and Victory Over Darkness.  For those of us who recognize that we have “stuff” in our lives that need to be addressed and relinquished, Neil Anderson has developed the “Seven Steps to Freedom”.  They are all based on our identity in Christ (such key truths to help us mature in Christ).  The steps are a time of intense prayer and acknowledgement of all the areas in one’s life that have been given over to deviant behavior which can be the result of abuse.  I am not going to go into this topic, but instances of abuses of all kinds would seem to be a good reason to never forgive a perpetrator of such heinous actions toward their victim.  It is such a serious time of deep cleansing that it can take hours to go through and because of an enlisted intercessor, things can come to the surface that have seemingly been long forgotten or buried deeply. And such it was with me in regard to how I had stuffed the anger toward my father.

The bottom line of my time going through the steps revealed to me that I needed to forgive the man who abandoned my mother and me.  I was so shocked that I had harbored that intensity of unforgiveness.  I did offer forgiveness to a man I would never see or know and the outcome was that I received instant healing because of my step of obedience to do so.  You see, he had died several years earlier, so I could not go to him personally, but this step was sufficient but necessary and God heard my heart. 

When we are angry, bitter or resentful, bad things happen to us emotionally and even physically if it continues without resolution.  Being an amateur gardener I am reminded of that miserable thing we call quack grass here in northern Minnesota.  It is so terribly persistent and I am telling you that you cannot leave a piece of the stuff behind or it resurrects itself with a vengeance.  So it is with the spirit of unforgiveness or the root of bitterness.  You must not leave a thread of it behind because it will indeed rear its ugly head once again.  I have often said that if we truly forgive someone, we will have to really dig deeply to remember what the issue was in the first place.  Have you noticed that?  You see, you have truly let go and there is no root left to thrive. 

So lets take a moment to pause and reflect on those little hurts that become big issues in our life and can even lead to things like aches and pains and, well, you fill in the blank.  If there is someone with whom you need to mend the fence, will you take the time to really pray for the situation and that person?  I have found that when I am up against a sand paper personality who rubs me the wrong way and just drives me crazy, all I have to do is to stop the mind game of the whys and wherefores and just pray for them.  If I really mean what I am praying then how can I entertain bitterness or anger?  It took me a while to figure out how that worked, but now I just ask the Lord to bless them and to show me how to be kind to them regardless of how difficult they can be.   

Now, Father, thank you for teaching us about just how serious it is to harbor unforgiveness toward another.  This is serious business to You and that means that even if it is difficult, I need to work my way through to understanding how to release ill feelings toward another and exercise forgiveness.  I know that I do not want to be stunted in my spiritual maturity due to my unwillingness to comply and be obedient.  Will you help me, Father, because this is not easy, to forgive and release where You reveal that I need to do so.  I will trust You because I know You have my best interest in mind and that You do not want to see me living in a way that does not glorify You or show the world that You are our ultimate Healer and Redeemer!  I will thank You now for the work You are about to do in my heart as You prepare and make it fallow and easy for the Holy Spirit to bring about miraculous change that glorifies You!  Amen.

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How Do I Forgive Myself?

Nyborg 0037

I have added a page to my blog with the intention of offering a kind hand through prayer to those who struggle to forgive themselves.  Is your past one like mine that is filled with pictures of where you never again want to visit…have you done stuff that seems unforgivable?

Please take a moment to view this page on my blog and maybe share the hope of forgiveness with someone you know might be struggling with past regret!

The Tough Stuff

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