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I Did a Thing…

And a pretty big thing at that! I have written my first book. Honestly, I can’t believe that I began the “real” journey in November of 2022, and it was technically published just before Thanksgiving of 2023.

What’s the big deal you ask? I’m a procrastinator. Not quite chronic but…I do tend to put things off instead of getting them finished and done.

What Started the Journey?

Oh my, going back about 25 years ago I began minumally sharing my life story. It was a couple times at a few different churches including my own for womens’ gatherings. What became a familar comment was that I should write my story as I had shared at the various women’s events over the next several years.

I entertained the thought and said to myself, I can do this. I’m going to write my crazy story. I would go at it for a bit then that was enough for a while and I would put it aside. Eventually I managed to write three chapters of my early years…very early. However, my life got very busy with a few differnt things happening. For instance my mom, who had been staying on our property in her trailer in the summer months eventually led her to living with us until her passing. That is a big responsibility while working full-time so there just wasn’t the time for writing through that duration.

Seasons Change…

After Mom’s passing in 2018, there were adjustments to make as we went back to just me and the husband. I found myself picking away at my old file. I’d change things here and there but really never made any headway. I was still working so continued to be busy with life and job things, and a surgery thrown in there as well. Needless to say, I began to think that this just wasn’t going to happen! At speaking events again I would hear the question asked, “So when are you going to write your story?” This went on for several years.

Then Came Retirement!

I dropped down to part-time where I was doing what I loved most, hosting music. This finally gave way to taking the plunge, retiring in July 2022. I did struggle a bit trying to figure out what to do with my life now that I was retired. I love my gardening in the summer but it finally slows down in October. Then what?

That following fall brought me to a serious decision. I made the decision to join a self-publishing business because I was going to finally get this book written! Signed on our anniversary in October and started right in November after some meetings to get a feel for the ropes, I began. My husband had one stipulation, “If you are going to do this you better finish it!” The old procrastinator me, well, I made the promise that I would.

The Journey Begins

Wow, let me just say that this was not an easy peasy task. Actually, it became a year of lessons that I realized the Lord was teaching me. First and formost…His timing is perfect! I like things in the now not the wait and see. So I went through a few sessions where I just had to hang on and wait.

My Scripture mantra comes from Philippians 4:6,7. I do have a post somewhere in here that I blogged on these two verses:

6 “Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God. 7 And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours].”

Philippians 4:6-7 AMP

These words became frequent company for me going through the variety of waiting scenarios. I also realized that I was a target for the enemy through several periods, especially near the end. There were several times I just had to rebuke, you know who, and tell him to get out of my head. He would wisper lies like, “you are a fool to write this book”, “people are going to call you a fool”, “why would you write all this for people to know about who you really are”. On and on the tape would roll, especially as the final edits drew near. But I have learned a thing or two about this schemer, he is a liar wanting nothing more for me than to forfeit my soul to him. It just isn’t going to happen. You see, I’ve been bought and paid for with a precious price, the price of my Savoir’s precious blood! No one can take that away from me!

I persisted and by golly, the manuscript was finished and headed to the team for formatting and cover design. Right before Thanksgiving it was uploaded to Amazon Direct Publishing. We had some quirky things take place but by the new year it was good to go! Whew, I was and am one relieved author. Yes, no longer just a writer but a real author!

By the way, isn’t that cover just beautiful? Thanks to our friend Gordy Lindgren, photographer, who loves a night sky and God’s creatures. I have named this photo of his, “The heavens declare the glory of the Lord…” You can find some pretty wonderful photos that he has taken. Just look him up! gordylindgrenphoto.com

There Were Certainly Challenges!

It sure is intersting whe we do things the Lord has asked of us. That enemy I talked about, he sure tried his best to get me to throw in the towel with this project. But I refused to succumb in spite of the few really hard circumstances that kept popping up seemingly out of nowhere.

We had a rather challenging summer with a garden that was quite consuming. But I did the best I could to keep up with it all. Then things really got strange on us. Remember that rebuking thing? I was doing a lot as we contended with several issues in our house, even ourselves.

My husband started having some issues that were causing much pain on the left side of his face. We did learn later on that it is something to do with three nerves in the brain. At that time no one knew what to do about it from doctors and dentists locally. But he was eventually put on a medication that helped it subside, that is until the Lord decides to heal him.

Then we had a tragic and terribly sad day as our 15 yr old Schnauzer had to be put down after she tried to bite the tire but the tire won. We were devestated and me especially. Oh my I loved that little girl. I have several stories in here about lessons I’ve learned while having her. I miss her terribly.

There were also some things that began happening in the house. Our washing machine went caput and my husband had it apart several times with new parts and after about the third time he finally said, “I think I have it but we will have to replace it soon.” Right now it is still working, thank you Lord!

Kimberly, tumbles down the last stair and clunked her head against the corner of the door way bruising her shoulder terribly and naturally raising a huge lump on the noggin. All is well, no concusion thank You Lord. Or at least no one is saying something isn’t right.

Our sink proceeded to get plugged quite solid. We managed to finally free it after three doses of a product when it suddenly broke loose, whew!

And one of the toilets somehow ended up with a broken seal. Oh yes not a pleasant thing to have to contend with. Now all these things took place from the last week of July through the first part of October. I don’t know but it certainly seemed like an attack to me? But we pressed on!

All that to say that yes stuff happens, not usually so much in a short amount of time! We weathered it and I’m still grieving my sweet Elsa girl. But we have come out stronger for the ordeal.

Which leads me to close with this: When you give God your yes, you may be put to the test. However, do not fear. God had us well covered.

We did get through it all. Even with our Elsa, I had been in denial that she was declining rapidly at 15. Not only that it would have been a rough winter for her. Especially while her jaw healing (it was broken in the accident.)

Lessons were learned and the Lord came along side of us every time. I have grown so close to Him. Especially after all of the above incidents that happen. I sure can see how one would possibly throw in the towel and say enough. But I knew it was time to just do it as the Lord had something in mind. Would I do this book writing thing again? I am hoping to!

Would You Like a Copy?

If you would like to check out my book, head over to Amazon. Here’s a link to make it easier https://a.co/d/6JDAg65

When you finish up the book, I would ask a huge favor, please head back to Amazon and leave a sincere review, primarily if you found value in the content. That would be a blessing to me! Please feel free to ask any questions and I’ll do my best to answer them!

You just have to embrace your story no matter how ugly. Why? Because in Christ, your story has already been redeemed!

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God So Loved the World…

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This is the season of light. If you are Jewish, you would be celebrating Hanukkah — or the Festival of Lights. This was originally a celebration of the rededication of the temple in Jerusalem. Hanukkah also celebrates the miracle of the lamp, which provided light for eight days despite a lack of oil.

During this time of Advent we use candles in the four weeks leading up to Christmas expressing our anticipation as we await the coming of the Christ child.

We use light at this time of the year with candles and electric lights. The lights represent the Christ, who through His death, burial and Resurrection brought light to earth.

1 Peter 2:9-10 says, “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light, for you once were not a people, but now you are the people of God, you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.” (emphasis added)

The Message paraphrase reads: “But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do His work and speak out for Him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference He made for you — from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted. Friends, this world is not your home, so don’t make yourselves cozy in it. Don’t indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices. Then they’ll be won over to God’s side and be there to join in the celebration when He arrives.”

We Bear His Light

God so loved the world…When God came in the flesh, Jesus, He created us in His image so we could be bearers of His light. This is an incredible show of God’s extravagant love for us. Whether it is working in Christian radio, bringing the Good News through word and song, being women who mentor others as they lead and show the way, or simply being available to bring the Light of Christ to those around us, this world desperately needs Jesus!

Matthew 5:13-16 says, “We have an obligation or mandate to be light bearers! You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in Heaven.”

God so loved the world. …Every single day you rub elbows with someone who needs a touch of the Light in their world. Your responsibility as a child of God is to project His light into their darkness. Think about it this way:

  • When things are difficult, why are you able to stand firm in your convictions?
  • When your marriage is failing, why are you able to forgive the wrong and love that spouse in spite of what might have happened?
  • When you have hurt or offended someone, how is it that you are able to ask them for forgiveness and love them?

I will remind you as I do myself often, this journey we are on is not about us. As believers in Jesus, our purpose is to serve the Lord and bring or have an impact on bringing others to Christ. Ah, you thought there was something in it for you? Well, of course there is! God is using you to help build his Kingdom. And that’s a big deal!

God so loved you! So impact your world by shining brightly and exposing others to His light. So my friend, this is no time to shrink back…but shine!

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Fear and Uncertainty Demanded My Attention…

Do you ever feel sorry for yourself? You are in the midst of bleak surroundings and is seems like your world is suddenly growing smaller?

Last week I felt like I was sliding down a slippery slope…let’s call it self-pity. Monday wasn’t a pretty day. Although, I didn’t realize just how much until that afternoon when a call came. A loved one had been injured.

My mind began to race with many imagined scenarios. Ugh, how in the world am I going to take care of two olders, work, clean (ha, that ain’t happening these days), tend to the things that my better half wouldn’t be able to do and still find time to be me? Good grief, the shroud of doubt began to cover my normally upbeat demeanor and I quickly slipped downward.

There was only one thing that was keeping me afloat…I was determined to be thankful. Our anniversary was the next day and I still had a husband! I wasn’t ready to be a widow, no way! Not only that, I felt certain he wasn’t going to be an invalid!

However, the fears began to nag at my thoughts. Oh, my, a snowstorm on Friday and who was going to shovel us out if we get the snow the forecast was predicting? Guessing that somehow I would make it work.

All right Kimberly, where is your faith? Thankfully, we didn’t get much snow and I managed just fine, shoveling was easy. I got out of the driveway and to work. Oh yes, the week continued with two appointments for my little momma while running home to make lunch for the other invalid, run back to work to finish the afternoon and then to the store to pick up some groceries and pills and argh…I started to feel like I couldn’t breathe! To top it off my guy wasn’t feeling well at all, blasted pain pills!

I had to draw a line in the sand and purpose to maintain a thankful heart, telling myself that I must, feel like it or not! Share on X My loved one wasn’t doing very well and a trip to ER was forthcoming on Saturday. At that point, I realized that was okay because maybe he would get some answers and a solution to the current situation. And he did! The better part of that day he actually got to get out of the house and could breathe some fresh air.

Wow, did that weekend go quickly. Apart from making a dinner and doing some laundry, it felt as if I accomplished nothing! So grateful for our “good neighbors” who came and shoveled for me as I was leaving for church. And he also got my guy’s vehicle started, thawed out and replaced his dwindling battery (plagued by not starting when it should!) Then he returned it, putting it in the garage. Boy is wonderful to have good neighbors, what a blessing! (Thankful, yes, I am remembering.)

The Holy Spirit Ministered to Me…

Monday morning up and running, fixing breakfast, getting Mr. situated so I could get ready for work. And that’s when I fell apart. All weekend I had been humming and singing a few of the lyrics of Gracefully Broken by Matt Redman and Tasha Cobbs. I know it was the Holy Spirit who prompted me to grab my tablet and close the door to the bathroom and let that song minister to my broken spirit. Oh, my Lord, does He use songs to work in my heart so often.  Well, that song had me unable to put makeup on because the tears were streaming down my checks. So I just closed my eyes, worshiped and once again, gave Him all I had, a weak and pitiful me who had succumbed to letting my faith waiver.

I'm gonna tell you, girls, that stuff happens when we open our broken hearts up to the Lord and allow Him to apply the loving balm of Gilead to our wounds. It's like He massages our hearts back to life...like He once again breathes life into our… Share on X I don’t like that weakened state when I find myself there. He lets me become undone, but doesn’t leave me there. I know this was just what was needed, to be reminded of His faithfulness when I let mine run dry. I then remember, He isn’t going to leave me in the ash pit wallowing in self-pity. That is NOT what He created me for…no, He rescued me from that years ago.

His greater purpose for me is once again flowing through my bloodstream and I once again feel alive. Thanks to my morning worship time, in my bathroom, soaked in tears. There He whispered to my heart…”Kimberly, it is going to be alright. I am caring for YOU and your loved ones right now. My love for you is your ever-present strength, so call upon Me at any time. You are mine and I love you!” Oh my, what a Father I have. Sigh…I just had to stop, take a deep breath and once again count my blessings.

God Always works Things for My Better Good…

It is times like these that are used as stepping stones to draw us closer to Him. Right now as I write this I envision when we as parents have to be lovingly stern with our children. But then afterward, we grab that child of ours and we hold them so close enveloping them with our cloak of love. That was me and my Father that Monday morning as He loved me back to life.

Oh, friend, life and it’s unexpected company can really throw us the curve balls, can’t it. But our Father, He is ever with us and always working it together for our good! I saw you bristle a bit there…it is just that it is true!

Don’t resist the Father when He allows circumstance to shape and mold us to be more like Him. The key is taking our focus off of us and putting it where it belongs, on Him. 

The reality is that at the time it “feels” like He has turned His back on us. We use that phrase, “How could you let this happen to us?” But we can’t see the big picture, we can’t see what is just around the corner. So instead I choose to be thankful…I wasn’t a widow, he wasn’t suddenly handicapped…no, I became thankful, grateful and willing to accept right where I was in that moment of time. A day befor my anniversary I made the choice to be thankful!

Colossians 3:15 TPT…

“Let your heart be always guided by the peace of the Anointed One, who called you to peace as part of his one body. And always be thankful.”

Is there something that has gone awry in your heart today? This thing may have you fearful, uncertain, feeling sorry for yourself, or maybe even angry?

If you are willing to hand those circumstance over to the Lord; admit you can’t continue to live with them any longer; and be willing to put your trust in the Lord, your Father, He will right what’s wrong, heal what’s broken, and will apply His love balm right where it’s needed.

Look around you girl…you have much to be thankful for. Even if you only see one or two things, it’s enough to carry you through. Please remember just how much you are loved and let Him show you how much as your wounds heal and trust is regained.

The Father is Here for You…

Thank you Lord for the gift of thankfulness, for giving me a heart that won’t rest until it is once again in sync with yours. I give you my pain and sorrows, my fears, regrets and uncertainties and ask you to work them all together for my good as I lay them down at your feet. Thank you for being my Father, the One who cares and loves me so, in Jesus’ name.

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Hope Springs Eternal

What is it that keeps us from never giving up?

Are there things in your life that you know have yet to be fulfilled? Maybe a dream you know God has birthed inside of your heart that you just can’t see happening because of circumstances going on in your life? Could it be that there are broken relationships you know need to be healed and mended but you can’t find the ‘how’?

I’m with you! For whatever reason, my seasons have not brought the desire of my heart into reality. I also confess that sometimes, I’m ready to give in to the “it will never happen” mentality. Pretty sad, isn’t it? And it almost feels like a nail in the coffin! I feel robbed and like the devil just snuck in and stole the booty from me!

This is exactly what he loves to do when we are a child of God! He wants to steal our dreams and promises, to make us look like losers. Rob our children or loved ones and most definitely he wants to steal our joy. Why joy? Because the joy of the Lord is our strength! (Neh 8:10 ESV)

Nehemiah 8:9-12
“And Nehemiah, who was the governor, and Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who taught the people said to all the people, “This day is holy to the Lord your God; do not mourn or weep.” For all the people wept as they heard the words of the Law. Then he said to them, “Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” So the Levites calmed all the people, saying, “Be quiet, for this day is holy; do not be grieved.” And all the people went their way to eat and drink and to send portions and to make great rejoicing, because they had understood the words that were declared to them.”

ESV Bible

If you know me at all, you know that God uses music to speak to me along with His Word. The song I posted below has given me hope and helped be my reminder, like the stones of remembrance in OT day, that God has not forgotten! He didn’t then and He won’t today.

God is Aways Faithful…

Do you remember how the Israelites would find themselves either being pursued, surrounded, in captivity, or in the wilderness? What happened is that God brought them through…just as He said He would. Then they would set up an altar with stones of remembrance so that they wouldn’t forget the goodness of the Lord. Reminders of how He would always bring them through on their way to the Promised Land!

Now that’s how this works for you and me today. We look back when we get in an “it will never happen” slump. Back on our stones of remembrance. Maybe a journal where we have logged our God is Faithful events. We are then able to see that reminder and apply it for today! He is good and He is faithful, just as it that happened back then. We then carry that promise, that reminder in our hearts until it does!

Friend, don't give up. Because when we do we doubt the goodness of God. That sets us on a faith decline and that just won't work for us! Share on X Instead, let’s remember He is a God who stands by His word and if He planted it in your heart or spoke it over you, it will come to pass, in His time and in His ways. He is a “Yes and Amen” God. That is just part of what sets Him above all others!

Stand firm, do not be shaken, shake off the doubts, for He will do it again.

“Do It Again” Elevation Worship

(If you want prayer for your situation feel free to email me, I will pray for you)

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Emotional Sabotage

It was a while back but I remember it well, fighting those negative emotions…it had been one of those days! Well, actually over a few–and I just needed to stop and remind myself of this truth…just how much I am loved by God.

I don’t like to slip into the “feelings” mode (where they control my output); I don’t like being teary-eyed; I especially don’t like to “feel sorry for myself”. However, now and again I slip into that dark place. Because I have let my focus dwell on ‘woe is me!’

Then I remembered that this is when I just have to lean in on His promises! After all His promises to me, are “Yes and Amen”.

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When Momma has Prodigals

It is Mother’s Day and I hope mom’s out there are celebrating the joys that triumphs of motherhood, even over life’s difficulties!

I love being in church on Mother’s Day greeting the many mommas I know to wish them a wonderful day. And of course I love to visit with my kids when they call and txt to wish me a special day.

I have had the blessing of having my own dear momma in my home for five Mother’s Days now. A day to find little ways to spoil her like with the huge bouquet of daisies that my sister and I got for her. And making her a favorite meal, this year it’s bar-b-que baby back ribs. Little things to thank her for loving me through life.

I am blessed to have a mom…many don’t. Could be from death or even that some have deserted their family physically or emotionally, for whatever reason. This makes life and especially this day difficult.

Then some of us have prodigals. Those who have walked away from the fold. Distanced themselves from family because of their lifestyle choices or just walked from the family of faith they once knew. That, right there, can make Mother’s Day just a bit uncomfortable and more difficult to feel celebratory.

I am so thankful to have three great adult kids all with families of their own.

But a momma’s heart always aches for her lost ones, the ones away from the fold.

What a comfort it is to know that our Father is even more concerned for those who have walked away than we could ever be. Share on X The following story is from Luke 15 and it is just a few verses but the expression of love that Father God has for us is overwhelming…

:3 “So he told them this parable: 4 “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6 And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ 7 Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.”

Isn’t this just a verse that gives us hope? It sure is for this momma who loves her kids but hates to see them living apart from the Lord! Not to mention the grief and tears that they cause those in their midst.

Lord, you know the hearts of those far from You. You know the pain that is causing them to flee. Oh Lord, if they only knew that you are the cure for their brokenness and guilt. I pray that you would melt their prideful hearts and help them see how desperately they need You. I am going to count on Your Word that tells me you have gone looking for Your lost sheep and that there will be great rejoicing when You are able to bring them home.

And Lord, I know that you do what Your Word says! That’s why I can thank you for rescuing me when I was out there wandering. You lovingly brought me to that place where I realize that apart from You, I can do nothing (John 15:5).

Look heavenward momma, your Father hears your heart’s cry for your loved one(s) and He is and has been on it since they departed!

I think you will enjoy this song from Cory Asbury

Comment Encouragement, Faith, Trusting God

Am I Sure I Heard Correctly?

Have you ever heard God say “Go!”
If so, how have you responded?

Most of us stop dead and assume we didn’t hear correctly?
We look around for all the negative reasons why we could never do something like that?
Or we simply say, “I don’t think so!“

I know there have been many times I have done all of the above. And then I remember wondering what could have happened if I had said yes? But the hard reality is that I will never know the answer to that question because I never said yes.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
    I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” Psalm 32:8

Are you in a decision making place right now? Wondering if you are hearing right at the nudging, pulling and tugging to go? Don’t second guess your answer. If you must fast and pray, then respond in obedience to the call and then get up and go! You are being prepared for an adventure of a lifetime and not only that…when it is God who is calling you have all of heaven walking alongside of you!

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Even When it Hurts…

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When you read, hear or see Scriptures that say like this one (on my wall) from Philippians 4:4, to rejoice in the Lord always–not just sometimes or not just when you feel swell but, always–how do you feel?  That is just never easy and one of those things that command that we lay aside our feelings and respond accordingly!  Tough, huh?

Rejoice when I feel yucky, rejoice when someone has hurt me, rejoice when my guy and I just had words with one another, rejoice when I hear of how awful my dear friend is doing with her chemo, Lord, I don’t want to do this at all!

This is also one of those phrases you don’t want to blab to someone else who is not doing well.  So, it becomes a personal thing between you and God!  If we stay connected to the vine and nurture our faith by staying ever so close to our Father, I have come to believe that it will carry us through the difficult times, you will be sustained! In other words, there is a healing that comes from being close to the Father. This is what must cause us to praise Him even in the tough stuff! Even when it is difficult I will trust in Him.

A favorite worship leader of mine reminds me with her song that He is the One who can steady my heart in the midst of all the stuff that life can bring through my days and nights.  Is it easy?  No way, and as a matter of fact, it can be very painful.

You are here...You're real...and I know I can trust You... Share on X

This is the stuff that gets me through the tough journey of life.  I don’t like it but I know that it is all a part of my Lord’s wonderful plan.  How many of you have the following verse as your life verse?

I believe in a sovereign God who really does direct my pathway along this journey called life.  I sure don’t understand when the tough things come my way or when others have to suffer so, but as I learned long ago from Bible teacher, Kay Arthur, everything that happens in our life is filtered through God's loving hand. ~ Kay Arthur. Share on X If I will trust in that knowledge and even embrace the not so pleasant stuff of life, it will be used to grow me up and draw me close and make me more like Christ!

Here is the Message paraphrase version of Jeremiah…

10-11 This is God’s Word on the subject: “As soon as Babylon’s seventy years are up and not a day before, I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

Dear friend, where are you on your journey of life?  Are you still shaking your fist at God wondering WHY God?  It’s okay, He definitely understands your pain like no one else can!  However, if you listen to His still small voice, you will hear Him whisper to your heart, “I love you, will you trust me?”

Father, it is really hard in the midst of stuff to lean back and say, “I trust You!”  I want to, but it sure hurts and I just want to know what tomorrow is going to bring.  Will I wake up and see a brighter day or will the weight of the dreary sky be the picture of my uncertain future once again?  Lord, fill me with Your hope, help me to see the light in the midst of my dark situation.  May my tomorrow bring hope, help and healing as I willingly see things through the truth of who You are and not from my finite perspective.  Right now I confess with my mouth that I trust You with my life and all my concerns, in Jesus’ name!  

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When the Stess Becomes Evident

Our living situation, or should I say our comfortable empty nest has changed. I have always thought of myself as fairly adaptable and willing to flex and change to accommodate those things life throws into our comfortable mix. However, I recently learned how I too can be in denial.

Almost four years ago on July 4th, after discussing at length, the options for our mom, I told my sister–after discussing with my husband–that living up north with us might be a workable option. I said yes and my sister said okay and brought her up for what mom thought was her annual three-month stay in Minnesota. She always enjoyed pleasant summer temperatures and her lovely trailer tucked beneath the trees beside our home. Independent living at its best. Mom always said it was the best of both worlds. Orlando for nine months of the year and International Falls in the summer months. Life is good!

It didn’t quite turn out the way our little momma thought it would when asking my sister to make her return flight to Orlando. My sister had to be the bad girl and tell her that she wouldn’t be coming back. Bam…the first blow. We did work it all out however and our poor, little lady had to face her first winter with–us as one of the coldest in many years blew through the winter months. Apart from some physical issues she really did do fairly well. Along with her friends, we made sure that she was set with clothing to keep her warm. My little momma is only 4’10” tall, weighing in at 80 pounds. Yeah, how does that work without fat on her body to keep her warm. However, she did make it!

Blow two came in the summer when she was looking forward to moving into the trailer for three months or so. “Mom, you aren’t able to live in the trailer anymore. It isn’t suitable and you can no longer see well enough to be alone. But maybe we can find you a place in town where you might get a meal with your living plan and I can even bring you meals.

That plan softened the punch a bit. However, there wasn’t an apartment available at that time but she could be put on a waiting list to call when one became open. Summer came and went and nothing opened up until later in the fall of 1014. By then we just couldn’t see her living by herself at all. Yup, the third blow.

As we rolled into 2015 we realized we were at a crossroads with our mom. Her independence dwindling as she basically resided in our daughter’s old bedroom and our living room upstairs. “Well mom, this is home!” Our hopes were that she would be able to resign herself to being comfortable with us. But a few issues got in the way of that, including health issues and trying to make her comfortable.

I am so not a drug person. I don’t like to take them and for me, they are a ‘last resort’. With our mom, she has to use a few which I understand is pretty good for an 86-year-old today. She started itching like crazy when she was with us and we did the derm and allergist thing and you name every cream, pill, and salve in the book, all to no real avail! What were we going to do about this?

Almost every night I have helped load her skin up with of cream all over her little bony body so she can sleep through the night. She would sometimes wake up itching like crazy and be very angry. I have often wondered how much of this was brought on by her disappointments? I guess I will never fully know the dynamics. From a tiny, elderly lady who awakens to puff a half a cigarette, eat a few bites of some sugary pastry (oh how she loves her sweets!), and seldom drinks any water, I’m amazed at how well she is doing. So needless-to-say, her skin issues may never get better at this point, it is so hard to retrain a person in their 80’s!

I have shared prior to this post of how I have had to let go of some of my dreams because this momma is my top priority right now. However, there are times when you have a V8 moment and realize you have been harboring resentment and to top it off, not dealing with it! Ouch, that is a reality that I really didn’t think I would ever have to deal with.

Last early spring I started losing my hair. Now I am on a fabulous nutrition product so that isn’t the problem. I studied and looked and pondered and prayed as to what in the world was going on. Thyroid? Diet? Vitamin deficiency? Or dread, maybe…stress? Well after doing all the ‘right’ things I could think of, this was the only thing I could conclude as my issue…stress...oh how it doesn't do the body so good! It can literally destroy us when we aren't willing to deal with it. Share on X

So I again when to my mantra of Philippians 4:6-7 and asked the Lord to show me what in the world was going on. On one of my walking routes one day it all came pouring out of me. I had to admit some things to the Lord that I really didn’t want to out of the fact that I was sort of ashamed I had harbored these feelings. After all, didn’t He tell me I was supposed to write that book and speak all over the place? But as I had to give up my space, my time and all those things that gradually took me away from my dreams, I guess I got angry. Ever heard it said that anger turned inward is depression? Makes sense doesn’t it. We harbor bitterness that grows and makes us a very angry, unhappy, unhealthy person.

Argh, I walked and cried like an idiot that day on my walk. I’m sure people driving by were wondering what my problem was. However, getting it all out on the table so to speak was so the right thing to do! I was then in for a huge blessing.

Now, you might think that when you get a dozen roses that’s pretty special right? You bet it is. But better than roses–even though I couldn’t bring them home with me–there along the road in the ditch (where I walk all the time) low and behold…a perfect dozen Pink Showy Lady Slippers (our state flower, btw.) It was just like the Lord blessed me for my honest walk with him!

I really can’t tell you just how much that meant to me. They were absolutely gorgeous! It was as if He confirmed my forgiveness by giving me this incredible gift!

Oh, friend, God is so kind and gentle, and I love this from Psalm 145:8…

“The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.”

You see, I had to let go and let God fill me with His peace!

You know what? I did quit losing my hair within a few days! That is just proof that stress destroys. I believe we aren’t meant to carry bitterness and anger. And when we choose to ignore it, we will suffer because it has taken up residence in our hearts!

Friend, sometimes you just have to let it go and when you do you will be flooded with the ‘peace that passes all understanding’! I’ll take a dose of that any day…how about you?

 

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