This is a topic that will touch every one of us because even if we happen to be one of the few who has not held bitterness or offense toward someone (come on and let’s be honest), we may have been on the receiving end of either.  It is a topic whose fallout is so detrimental that (especially lately) many books, sermons and Bible studies have been written about it.  I am convinced that of the strongholds we will examine, it is probably the most debilitating.  And God’s Word has much to say about this topic of unforgiveness.

Matthew 5:22-24 (NASB)

“But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, `You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, `You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.”

Wow, such strong words from Jesus!  Really, I am certain that all of us can honestly say we have—even if for a brief time—taken on an offense toward another or internalized bitterness.  In the verse above, the Word specifically says to first go and be reconciled to our brother (the one who has a beef with us) before we can even present our offering to God. Please take notice of the words in parenthesis, or the underlined scripture.  This is addressing one we know might have something against us.  To start with we are being asked to do something that is going to show obedience to God and then release that one for God to work deeply in their heart!

How about this verse from:  Mark 11:25,26 (NASB)

“Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. [“But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”]

Does someone treat you unfairly?  Maybe it is quite noticeable at your job that your boss favors someone who gets by with “stuff” and you who maintain utmost integrity barely get noticed for your efforts.  There may be an unresolved conflict between you and another and you just keep hoping that it will go away.  It could be that someone has done something in your past that was unjustified and you keep expecting them to apologize for what they have done but they are never even willing to admit what they have done let alone apologize for the hurt. 

When I was a toddler my father left my mother to raise me alone.  He was rather irresponsible and unable to hold a job. He apparently had a serious drinking problem that consumed much of who he was.  While growing up, my father was not in the picture at all.  I believe that I saw him once as a four or five year-old and my mom said I wet the bed that night for the first time in a few years.  Argh!  I really do not remember that incident at all (we can tend to block out hurtful experiences.  What I do remember is my mother saying (even until recently) that it is too bad I could not have known my father, as he was such a great guy.  Excuse me–a great guy?  To this day I remind my sweet little momma that “great guys” do not abandon their family leaving them to live in poverty. 

I truly believe that many of the searching and longings in my life have come from not having a father’s presence in my life.  I covered and buried it deeply not realizing there were deep-seated resentments that had woven their way into my little girl’s heart. 

As God began to do a great work in me—the result of crying out to Him for a deeper journey with my heavenly Father—I was introduced to Neil Anderson’s materials Bondage Breaker and Victory Over Darkness.  For those of us who recognize that we have “stuff” in our lives that need to be addressed and relinquished, Neil Anderson has developed the “Seven Steps to Freedom”.  They are all based on our identity in Christ (such key truths to help us mature in Christ).  The steps are a time of intense prayer and acknowledgement of all the areas in one’s life that have been given over to deviant behavior which can be the result of abuse.  I am not going to go into this topic, but instances of abuses of all kinds would seem to be a good reason to never forgive a perpetrator of such heinous actions toward their victim.  It is such a serious time of deep cleansing that it can take hours to go through and because of an enlisted intercessor, things can come to the surface that have seemingly been long forgotten or buried deeply. And such it was with me in regard to how I had stuffed the anger toward my father.

The bottom line of my time going through the steps revealed to me that I needed to forgive the man who abandoned my mother and me.  I was so shocked that I had harbored that intensity of unforgiveness.  I did offer forgiveness to a man I would never see or know and the outcome was that I received instant healing because of my step of obedience to do so.  You see, he had died several years earlier, so I could not go to him personally, but this step was sufficient but necessary and God heard my heart. 

When we are angry, bitter or resentful, bad things happen to us emotionally and even physically if it continues without resolution.  Being an amateur gardener I am reminded of that miserable thing we call quack grass here in northern Minnesota.  It is so terribly persistent and I am telling you that you cannot leave a piece of the stuff behind or it resurrects itself with a vengeance.  So it is with the spirit of unforgiveness or the root of bitterness.  You must not leave a thread of it behind because it will indeed rear its ugly head once again.  I have often said that if we truly forgive someone, we will have to really dig deeply to remember what the issue was in the first place.  Have you noticed that?  You see, you have truly let go and there is no root left to thrive. 

So lets take a moment to pause and reflect on those little hurts that become big issues in our life and can even lead to things like aches and pains and, well, you fill in the blank.  If there is someone with whom you need to mend the fence, will you take the time to really pray for the situation and that person?  I have found that when I am up against a sand paper personality who rubs me the wrong way and just drives me crazy, all I have to do is to stop the mind game of the whys and wherefores and just pray for them.  If I really mean what I am praying then how can I entertain bitterness or anger?  It took me a while to figure out how that worked, but now I just ask the Lord to bless them and to show me how to be kind to them regardless of how difficult they can be.   

Now, Father, thank you for teaching us about just how serious it is to harbor unforgiveness toward another.  This is serious business to You and that means that even if it is difficult, I need to work my way through to understanding how to release ill feelings toward another and exercise forgiveness.  I know that I do not want to be stunted in my spiritual maturity due to my unwillingness to comply and be obedient.  Will you help me, Father, because this is not easy, to forgive and release where You reveal that I need to do so.  I will trust You because I know You have my best interest in mind and that You do not want to see me living in a way that does not glorify You or show the world that You are our ultimate Healer and Redeemer!  I will thank You now for the work You are about to do in my heart as You prepare and make it fallow and easy for the Holy Spirit to bring about miraculous change that glorifies You!  Amen.