Breaking through Unforgiveness Toward Others

This is a topic that will touch every one of us because even if we happen to be one of the few who has not held bitterness or offense toward someone (come on and let’s be honest), we may have been on the receiving end of either.  It is a topic whose fallout is so detrimental that (especially lately) many books, sermons and Bible studies have been written about it.  I am convinced that of the strongholds we will examine, it is probably the most debilitating.  And God’s Word has much to say about this topic of unforgiveness.

Matthew 5:22-24 (NASB)

“But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, `You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, `You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.”

Wow, such strong words from Jesus!  Really, I am certain that all of us can honestly say we have—even if for a brief time—taken on an offense toward another or internalized bitterness.  In the verse above, the Word specifically says to first go and be reconciled to our brother (the one who has a beef with us) before we can even present our offering to God. Please take notice of the words in parenthesis, or the underlined scripture.  This is addressing one we know might have something against us.  To start with we are being asked to do something that is going to show obedience to God and then release that one for God to work deeply in their heart!

How about this verse from:  Mark 11:25,26 (NASB)

“Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. [“But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”]

Does someone treat you unfairly?  Maybe it is quite noticeable at your job that your boss favors someone who gets byI Forgive You with “stuff” and you who maintain utmost integrity barely get noticed for your efforts.  There may be an unresolved conflict between you and another and you just keep hoping that it will go away.  It could be that someone has done something in your past that was unjustified and you keep expecting them to apologize for what they have done but they are never even willing to admit what they have done let alone apologize for the hurt. 

When I was a toddler my father left my mother to raise me alone.  He was rather irresponsible and unable to hold a job. He apparently had a serious drinking problem that consumed much of who he was.  While growing up, my father was not in the picture at all.  I believe that I saw him once as a four or five year-old and my mom said I wet the bed that night for the first time in a few years.  Argh!  I really do not remember that incident at all (we can tend to block out hurtful experiences.  What I do remember is my mother saying (even until recently) that it is too bad I could not have known my father, as he was such a great guy.  Excuse me–a great guy?  To this day I remind my sweet little momma that “great guys” do not abandon their family leaving them to live in poverty. 

I truly believe that many of the searching and longings in my life have come from not having a father’s presence in my life.  I covered and buried it deeply not realizing there were deep-seated resentments that had woven their way into my little girl’s heart. 

As God began to do a great work in me—the result of crying out to Him for a deeper journey with my heavenly Father—I was introduced to Neil Anderson’s materials Bondage Breaker and Victory Over Darkness.  For those of us who recognize that we have “stuff” in our lives that need to be addressed and relinquished, Neil Anderson has developed the “Seven Steps to Freedom”.  They are all based on our identity in Christ (such key truths to help us mature in Christ).  The steps are a time of intense prayer and acknowledgement of all the areas in one’s life that have been given over to deviant behavior which can be the result of abuse.  I am not going to go into this topic, but instances of abuses of all kinds would seem to be a good reason to never forgive a perpetrator of such heinous actions toward their victim.  It is such a serious time of deep cleansing that it can take hours to go through and because of an enlisted intercessor, things can come to the surface that have seemingly been long forgotten or buried deeply. And such it was with me in regard to how I had stuffed the anger toward my father.

The bottom line of my time going through the steps revealed to me that I needed to forgive the man who abandoned my mother and me.  I was so shocked that I had harbored that intensity of unforgiveness.  I did offer forgiveness to a man I would never see or know and the outcome was that I received instant healing because of my step of obedience to do so.  You see, he had died several years earlier, so I could not go to him personally, but this step was sufficient but necessary and God heard my heart. 

When we are angry, bitter or resentful, bad things happen to us emotionally and even physically if it continues without resolution.  Being an amateur gardener I am reminded of that miserable thing we call quack grass here in northern Minnesota.  It is so terribly persistent and I am telling you that you cannot leave a piece of the stuff behind or it resurrects itself with a vengeance.  So it is with the spirit of unforgiveness or the root of bitterness.  You must not leave a thread of it behind because it will indeed rear its ugly head once again.  I have often said that if we truly forgive someone, we will have to really dig deeply to remember what the issue was in the first place.  Have you noticed that?  You see, you have truly let go and there is no root left to thrive. 

So lets take a moment to pause and reflect on those little hurts that become big issues in our life and can even lead to things like aches and pains and, well, you fill in the blank.  If there is someone with whom you need to mend the fence, will you take the time to really pray for the situation and that person?  I have found that when I am up against a sand paper personality who rubs me the wrong way and just drives me crazy, all I have to do is to stop the mind game of the whys and wherefores and just pray for them.  If I really mean what I am praying then how can I entertain bitterness or anger?  It took me a while to figure out how that worked, but now I just ask the Lord to bless them and to show me how to be kind to them regardless of how difficult they can be.   

Now, Father, thank you for teaching us about just how serious it is to harbor unforgiveness toward another.  This is serious business to You and that means that even if it is difficult, I need to work my way through to understanding how to release ill feelings toward another and exercise forgiveness.  I know that I do not want to be stunted in my spiritual maturity due to my unwillingness to comply and be obedient.  Will you help me, Father, because this is not easy, to forgive and release where You reveal that I need to do so.  I will trust You because I know You have my best interest in mind and that You do not want to see me living in a way that does not glorify You or show the world that You are our ultimate Healer and Redeemer!  I will thank You now for the work You are about to do in my heart as You prepare and make it fallow and easy for the Holy Spirit to bring about miraculous change that glorifies You!  Amen.

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How Do I Forgive Myself?

Nyborg 0037

I have added a page to my blog with the intention of offering a kind hand through prayer to those who struggle to forgive themselves.  Is your past one like mine that is filled with pictures of where you never again want to visit…have you done stuff that seems unforgivable?

Please take a moment to view this page on my blog and maybe share the hope of forgiveness with someone you know might be struggling with past regret!

The Tough Stuff

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Why God…Why?

God, life is so stinkin’ hard…………………

Why do we have to endure sorrow, grief, pain, broken hearts, abrupt change and death……………………….

There, I said it, that word that changes the face of everything.  Nothing is the same once it visits and all that is left is what resides in our memory.  Not to mention all the flood of shoulda, coulda, woulda’s…

I wish I had gone and tried to mend our relationship and said that it is okay and I forgive you…

I should have been there for them and maybe if I had this wouldn’t have ended like this or I wish I could have seen them once more before they departed this earth…

I would have given you the hug that I always withhold cause hugs are difficult for me to give (you know me) and I would have said just how much I love you so that there would never be any doubt about it…

The appearance of death at our doorsteps is inevitable…it will come!  So whenever I am touched by tragic loss, I first think oh my that could have been my loved one, and I thank God for the fact that it wasn’t but my heart bleeds for those now going through tragic loss.

The Word tells us that we are to mourn with those who mourn and in so doing we are sharing in the pain a person/family is going through.  God knows we weren’t intended to go there alone.  I remember an awful experience from winter when I got word one of my kids had been injured in a strange accident which should have resulted in a death, or at least disability.  I was devastated to think of what life might look like for this wandering one.  The emotional tide that washed over me was almost too much to bear.  And I was able to allow God to wrap me in His love with the promise that it would be alright.  In my loved one’s situation it turned for extreme good…

Then word came of the dear saint who lost her girl in a tragic accident…senselessly lost by the carelessness of a drunken driver.  A loss that has impacted a husband and family, his family, her family, friends and friends of family…and it goes on and on.  Our hearts  hurt for the loss of this dear woman of God and those others mentioned and yet we wrestle in our minds “why”? Why now, why her, why this way, why, why, why.

We go to the Father with all the questions and He allows us to question His sovereignty and His perfect plan and the fact that why did she have to go like this…God why???  And lovingly and ever so gently He reminds us that our days are preordained and that it will be okay and that not only does He love us but He reminds us that our loved one–because of being His child–is safe and securely with Him in glory!

Revelation 21:4 says what we all long to hear in the heat of our pain…

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither

shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

So we lean hard into the truth and we trust that someday He will turn our mourning into dancing when we once again see our loved one and God’s perfect plan becomes evidenced in our hearts and that the truth which is sometimes so hard to hear now makes perfect sense.

A hope song from Jeremy Camp, “There Will Be A Day”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le-TG4sRRiQ]

Thank you Father for being our comforter in the most difficult of times.  For some reason You allow us to experience excruciating pain whether physical or emotional and we just cry out to You and must trust You will take it away or not.  That You will give us the ability to endure it even though it feels like we are awash with the weight of the world as we go through this time of tragedy.  Thank You for holding our loved ones who grieve and for your promise that there will be a day when there will be no more tears and no more pain to endure albeit tears of joy, amen.”

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Five Minute Friday-Imagine

Okay, so this was my attempt at a fun blogging exercise called Five Minute Friday.  A group of bloggers on the link site below who invite whomever to partake in the FMF.  They give you a word prompt and you write for five minutes and then add the button and link to their site and voila…fun and fun to read what others come up with in just five minutes!  Thanks to my friend Amy for introducing me to this community!  Below is my thoughts from the word “imagine”…

The word “imagine” really makes me think of the song by Mercy Me “I Can Only Imagine”.  I work in music so it would only stand to reason that I would gravitate toward tunes!  But what a fun word and what a beautiful song of what we have to look forward to some day when we meet Jesus and go home to be with Him forever.

Beautiful pictures flood my mind and I think I can hardly wait!  Gathered with the saints around the throne singing worthy is the Lamb, He is holy, holy, holy and the scenario is beautiful and doubtful that we can even really depict what it will really be like!

So are you ready?  Can your heart sing freely of that beautiful day to come?  Or are you shackled and died to this world via sin and wrong choices?  Take heart friend, if you only had a picture of how the Father sees you and how He loves you just as you are, you would run full throttle to your Father’s arms!  Do it…don’t wait another moment and then imagine the reunion!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svJviDTNMq4]
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Bearing One Another’s Burdens

SorrowfulToday I am burdened for some people that I love and admire and really look to as friends that can help me to walk a deeper walk with my Father. 

Today I prayed that these friends would stand up to the enemy and tell him right where to go just like Jesus responded to Peter when he tried to rebuke Jesus who then responded “get thee behind me satan…” 

Today is just one of those days where I see the wearing down of the saints and my heart hurts when my circle of friends is hurting.

Today was a day of intercession for these ones who are battling on the front lines but getting very weary from battle wounds. 

Today I stood in the gap and and prayed that God would intervene before it is too late…

Today on the station I heard a profound statement from one of our feature vignettes who asked “Do you know why I am still married?” then responded “Only because of my fear of the Lord”. 

Today, I wonder if I fear God enough to be obedient to His call on my life, in whatever capacity He calls me to.

Today, I really want to renew my covenant to the Lord that no matter how…no matter what…no matter why…I will be obedient…even if…this is hard because right now it is easy to say I would never but…when in the valley of darkness, the fiery trial, the pain and hurt, even if…would I hold on? Would I bite the bullet and hang in there? Despite the world view, the appearance of common sense, the pressures of those who have gone through and taken the plunge and suffered the consequences and are living with their decisions…

Today, I will take one day at a time. Today I am strong. Tomorrow I might be weak and I will need help to keep standing firm against all the odds. I just can’t look too far ahead but will step one day at a time with my eyes as fixed as they can be and my heart steadfast and assured that Father loves me and will guide me into tomorrow where once again I will rise and take His hand as He guides me once more through the next day, then hopefully the next…

Tonight I go to bed weary from my burden but certain that God has heard the brokenness of my struggling friends and I can trust that He is near for His word tells me in Psalm 34:18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

I can rest…

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A Time of Sorrow…

A few years back our community was  saddened 

English: Comfort in Grief

by the deaths of four people, all suddenly and all within a week. In a community of approximately 6,500, you realize that the loss of four people (who were a vital part of the community) is significant. This created heavy sadness as we were all grieved at the loss we all felt here. 

Most people–if in our thirties upward–are usually jogged when the loss takes a woman in her early forties, a woman and man in their fifties and a sixty year old man suddenly. We are shocked and suddenly drawn to ponder the brevity of life. That probably is not such a bad thing to do once in a while but it is difficult on the heels of four deaths in a row. 

The first death was extremely sudden and the gentleman was a custodian in our schools. A good man and loved by the kids and staff as well. He leaves a wife and several children. His funeral was even at the High School where he spent so much of his time. My daughter went to school with his son and stepdaughter and she even made it home to attend his funeral. 

While preparing to come home for that funeral, my daughter also got word of the death of one of her best friend’s sister. She had been hospitalized suddenly a few weeks prior and given a short time to live. Friends, she was only forty-two, a wife and mother of two young men! My daughter being so concerned for her dear friend was beside herself. Needless to say she planned to return home once again to attend another funeral. This one was a bit more personal because she had known the family since a young age. 

The man in his sixties was unknown to me but many others knew him. I don’t really know anything about him but I believe that sixty is just too young! I have a friend whose husband was impacted by his death because they graduated together. How hard it is when we begin to see people our own age die. 

Finally, I want to mention the life of a vivacious woman who I had the privilege of knowing (as many others did) because she was dedicated to helping people achieve their college degrees. Several years prior she was dealt the blow of cancer and survived only to have it return again and take her. She left a husband, daughter and many people who loved her for her kindness and fun personality, but mostly because she seemed to genuinely care. Her life has had an impact on many because of the job she held at our community college. 

Death is an interesting process that we will all have to go through as the life process completes. It will come to all of us! It will have an affect on the people in our sphere of influence and most probably on our families. To those in the process of grieving the loss of someone it can just be so difficult to process through. We miss those who are taken at such a young age and unexpectedly. We wonder about all the “what if’s” and what could have been done differently, and all the things we should have said to that one who leaves us so suddenly. Chances are good that for a time we will change the way we look at life as we see it a bit shorter than we did previously. 

I recently had my own epiphany regarding life and its brevity. My belief in Jesus Christ has given me a fresh outlook on life and one thing I know is that it is the Lord who gives and takes away. His hand is providential and He guides us along the way. Yes, things like cancer and poor health can come along and zap us but the Lord permits all things to happen to His children. Not one thing happens that hasn’t been run through His loving hand, and He is aware of everything that affects our life. 

In the third chapter of Ecclesiastes we read from the pen of King Solomon (the wisest of men) that there is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—

A time to be born, And a time to die;

A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;

A time to kill, And a time to heal;

A time to break down, And a time to build up;

A time to weep, And a time to laugh;

A time to mourn, And a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to gain, And a time to lose;

A time to keep, And a time to throw away;

A time to tear, And a time to sew;

A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;

A time to love, And a time to hate;

A time of war, And a time of peace. (:2-8 NKJ) 

How is your life today? Like me you might choose to run about, harried with too much to do—without much thought about tomorrow. But let me encourage you to look out beyond yourself today. If we could just make a difference for one person each day we have on the face of this earth,  we will make a significant difference and be remembered for how we loved God and loved each other! I continue to say that I want to finish this earthly race strong. Whether in sickness or in health I can make a difference within my sphere of influence. 

Friend, how about you? How is your heart today? Will you look beyond yourself and see others the way God sees them? 

Father, show me who it is today that needs an extra touch of kindness. Let me be the one who will do something kind for someone who needs help today. Use my words of encouragement to help that struggling one to go another day! Let me bring words of hope that will make a difference, in Jesus Name, amen.

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What Will You do for Mom?

Momma and her girls 2009

My little mother (she is only five feet tall to my five foot eight) reminds me frequently of how she picked my name. My given name is Kimberly. Apparently my father was not too convinced, but mom hung in there. Being a bit of a trend setter in her day, she always did things a bit out of the ordinary. I would call her creative. I am not so sure that I understand being named after a diamond mine in South Africa but…far be it from me to argue with the one who fought hard to give me that name. (After all, it is better than Kimberly Clark, the Kleenex manufacturer.)

At fifteen years of age, I ran away from home for the second and final time. I needed an alias to go by, so I gave myself the name of Dawn. I liked it because of the beautiful morning sky. Since then I have used Dawn as my first name. When finally reunited with my mom after three years, my mother was not very happy to find out that I had changed my name but had to resign herself to the fact I was now Dawn. I have a couple of those Biblical name cards and the one for Dawn says “The Break of Day” and has the Scripture from Psalm 18:2 “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer.” (which I love.) Mom, on the other hand, loved to tell people (when I would introduce her), “Her real name is Kimberly!” That really used to bug me something fierce.

I have watched my mother climb into her 80’s and struggle with her health since her late 70’s, and I began to asked the Lord to show me what part I could play in her coming to Christ and have peace in her heart (after all, I pray diligently for her salvation.)  The Lord spoke to my heart a couple of years back and said to just love, serve and bless her. Okay, Lord, show me how because You know how strong willed and independent this little woman is. Unfortunately, as she is aging she is also losing her vision from macular degeneration and because of that she has been forced to give up much of her independence. For those of you who know what I’m talking about, that can be very trying for the one going through it and some other issues that are a bit humiliating for her to contend with. Hey, life can get difficult as we age! 

One summer (mom tries to stays with us in the summer months when she is feeling well enough) on the first day she was here she injured her leg exercising her “I don’t need any help” attitude. She fell off a counter and gouged her leg up terribly and we ended up in the ER. This became a very unique opportunity for me to do ‘hands on’ care for ‘Miss Independent’. I had to change her dressing twice a day throughout most of the summer. It took four months for this wound to heal! But, in the process, I was able to care for her tenderly with that thing we all love and that is human touch. At one point I even asked her if I could anoint her with oil and pray for her healing and amazingly she said yes! When I was done, she had tears in her eyes and could not explain why. God is indeed up to something, don’t you think? 

It was fall and my program was beginning it’s fifth year and I like to do something new each new year to keep things fresh. So I asked the guys what they would think if I changed my on air name to Kimberly Dawn. (It was such a God thing that I would even go there.)  They liked the newness of it and said go for it. This was a real blessing to my mom and she periodically asks if I am still going by that name and I am always so pleased to tell her “Of course!” The funny thing is that I am actually enjoying being called by that name, as well, although I do not expect those that only know me as Dawn to change how they address me unless they want to. A little side note – my boss and former boss always teased me by calling me Kimberly Dawn now and again. Here is what Kimberly means – “From the Royal Meadow.” Nice, huh? And the Scripture is also delightful from Psalm 119:73 (NASB) “Your hands made me and fashioned me; Give me understanding, that I may learn Your commandments.” I just know this is softening my mom’s heart and I am believing that God is making a way into her heart where there seems to be no way! 

Please pray with me that God will continue to show me ways that I can be Jesus to her and that she will come to know the One Who will never leave her or forsake her and Who will love her with His everlasting love. I am believing the Holy Spirit is wooing her and that it will not be long now for her to take her rightful place in God’s Kingdom. And I thank God for bringing me to a place where I would want to be obedient even to the point of going back to a name I did not care for!

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Are You Walking in Fear of Faith?

So what is it that motivates you? There is something within each one of us that keeps us going, keeps us taking one step forward and another step after that one. I am speaking specifically of our Christian journey here on this terrestrial ball. Our walk is something we either just do without much thought given to it or it is proactive and spurned onward from the motivation of either fear or faith. 

The basics are the daily routine we find ourselves in with its nuts and bolts of dealing with everyday life. Our family, job and those unexpected interruptions (negative or positive) that we may just cruise through. But that can be so mundane. I don’t know about you but I want more! I want more of God, His power, love, experience and His blessings to accompany me while on the journey. 

I like this verse in Proverbs 16:9 “The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.” Oh how we can get in the way of His will for our lives! You see, it could be that He has planted something within you that could potentially rock your world and raise the bar of excitement and fulfillment as you walk out His plan for you. Then along comes an anchor of doubt that will try to rob you of the joy of the journey. 

I am so afraid that…

It scares me to even think of going there…

But what if I fail and can’t do it…

What will people say if I do that… 

It seems to me that more often than not, we move forward dragging an anchor of fear instead of allowing faith to ignite our passion and propel us forward into that to which God has called us. We shrink back in fear and stay quite comfortable in our complacency! I know, I have done it myself and then I look back and wonder what could have been had I gone forward with that certain dream or vision. 

God’s word tells us that “…without FAITH it is impossible to please God”. Yet time and time again I make the choice to opt out because of the risks involved. I truly believe that we know when the Lord confirms in our heart a particular direction to take and how sad it is when the excuses come and we do not proceed. We miss out on the blessings and possibly the blessings intended for others by playing it safe. 

We all (Christian or non) go about our day with a certain measure of certainty that as we enter our cars to go where needed that the vehicle will get us to our destination, I am not talking about that kind of faith. What I am addressing is the kind found in Hebrews 11:1: 

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” 

Could it be that God has laid something on your heart that seems a bit out of the box for you to undertake? Has he called you to a mission trip or to lead a small group, sing in the choir, start a new business venture or home school your children? These all have the potential to make some of us shake in our boots don’t they! But if you want to walk in obedience you need to get out of your comfort zone and act upon that calling. Even if you cannot see the finished product or end of the journey! He just calls us to action, to put one foot in front of the other as we lean into Him for direction! 

God has given me some dreams and confirmed some things that seemed rather ‘scary’ for me to Dawn_Speaking undertake. Like being willing to share my story and love for Him with others whether it is in written form, at a speaking engagement or on the air.  As God has confirmed in me to write my story out immediately my thoughts were who cares you and your story? That is a lot of time and energy expended for something nobody would be interested in reading. But after the confirmation was settled in me I knew that I was not to worry about who or if anyone would read it, I was just to begin the process of writing my life story. God knows what will happen with it and I am to act, not shrink back and decline His request. My part is to trust in what Hebrews 11:1 tells me, even if I can’t see or visualize the outcome. 

Are you one of those folks who needs to have your “ducks in a row” before you proceed? Some would argue that you would be taking precautions and securing your venture before moving forward. Please, I am not talking about being foolish throwing caution to the wind. I am talking about the calling upon you that keeps nagging at the back of your mind and you can’t seem to let it go. Then someone says something or a thing happens that really just settles in your mind that yes, you are to move forward. Your next step is to put one foot in front of the next even if you cannot see exactly where you are headed. 

kdheadphonescloseup Thinking back to when I was first asked if I would be     interested in working part-time at the Christian radio  station, I walked into the control room and looked at all the stuff (equipment) on the walls and said uh, I don’t think so! I wasn’t trained in radio. I didn’t have a clue regarding electronic stuff and there were eight knobs on that control board that completely ‘scared me’ to think of having to operate. I agreed to pray about it and willingly said, “God, if You want me to do this then I trust You will guide me through the process of learning how.”  I didn’t go off to broadcasting school or take a class in electronics but I did willingly say yes. Just about 20 years later I am still in radio and some amazing doors of opportunity have opened as a result of saying yes to God. 

Now, what about you? Let me encourage you not to miss out on the blessing of walking in obedience and allowing God to use You for His glory. Think of it as sowing into God’s kingdom. 

Father, I am so excited to be serving You in several of the ways that You have called me to serve. I am even pumped to see what You have in store for the next 20 years. I ask that You would keep me from complacency and the fleshly desire to take the easy way out instead of trusting You to lead me into Your way of everlasting! Everlasting joy and fulfillment knowing that I am in Your will, being used by You to introduce You to those who don’t know who You are and encouraging those who know You to walk in the abundant life You have for them. Let me keep pressing on till Jesus returns, in Your name, Amen.

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You BUGG!

Green is not one of my favorite colors, although some of the off shades like sage, some chartreuse hues and the darker spruce green blends I find pleasing.  However, for some reason the color green is used to depict an emotion that is not friendly and can even be deadly and cause many problems.  I am certain you have heard the sayings,  ‘green with envy’ and ‘bit by the green-eyed monster’.

BUGG

Perhaps, if in all honesty, we could admit that we have dealt with jealousy at some time in our life.  From the childhood, “I want what so and so has” or “How do they get such good grades” to “Wow, I’d do anything to get a car like they have,” some incidents are certainly more subtle than others.  Nevertheless, jealousy stirs up something within us that is not healthy indicating our dissatisfaction and insecurities.  As an only child for the first ten years of my life, my competitive personality was usually motivated by other’s successes.  How disappointing to find that it still creeps in once in a while!

When you are my age, having been through some stuff while learning through my many mistakes, I would like to think that I am maturing as I continue on this faith walk.  I am one of the somewhat ‘older’ women who can enjoy being available to help younger women along on their journeys.  However, I was quite taken aback when I found myself bitten by the BUGG!

When a gal I know was going through a difficult season, she asked me if I would mentor her along.  We have similar ministries, both very strong personalities and determined.  I was surprised she had asked me but agreed, and so I began to pray for her and asked the Lord to grow all that she gave to Him.  I realized that this girl had God’s favor all over her and she seemed to walk through open doors without a hitch.  Her speaking ministry really opened up for her as did her radio ministry.  I was so amazed at the way everything fell into place for her as she pursued her God-path.  I was amazed and happy for her until I realized that I, too, was on a similar journey but seemed to remaining very stagnant.  The growth was very minimal and all of a sudden I was bitten and began to be envious of her favor.  I began to compare myself with her and wondered why it seemed I was unable to have God’s favor.

That transition within me cause a few things to take place and I was now uncomfortable around her and our relationship got strained.  A gap grew between us and our friendship became reduced to formality.  The next few years amazed me as I watched her grow and become ‘successful.’  The reality hit me that I was jealous of her.  But wait a minute, I am the ‘spiritually mature’ one here, so that can’t be, I reasoned with myself.  I was getting very tired of the battle raging within me and the Holy Spirit just would not leave me alone.

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It was my birthday and out of the blue she surprised me by saying she would like to take me to lunch.  I naturally wondered if this was supposed to be the time I would need to humble myself and confront my issue with her.  I so wanted the misery of these feelings to disappear as I was having a hard time believing that I could have allowed this to happen.  The fleece went out; she would contact me to plan our lunch date.  If she remembered, I knew it was God’s timing to own up to my shortcoming.  If she forgot then perhaps it would be another time or God might just let me keep this one between me and Him (ha, ha.)  Needless to say, she called and we we had lunch a few days later.

We had a delightful time chatting away and I got all caught up on her journeys and all God was doing in her ministry.  Then, as we were nearing the end of our time (I knew I had to be on air in 30 minutes), I told her I had something difficult to tell her.  I admitted to being very envious of her success and asked her to forgive me.  This became a God moment, as the huge wall of denial fell and suddenly I had such peace and love for her because that BUGG had been squeezing the life out of our relationship.

1Pet 2.1

Wow!  As uncomfortable as it can be, reconciliation is such a sweet experience.  As Oliver Hazard Perry said, “We have met the enemy and they are ours.”  Well, I faced the enemy of jealousy and through Christ he was now defeated!  Peter tells us in 1 Peter 2:1 that as we become that “Living Stone and a Holy People…” we must “…put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander.”

Father, will you help me to see when the enemy is messing with my emotions and help me to see without denial blocking the way to reconciliation.  I really love the fact that You have made me, Kimberly, in Your image and I don’t need to compare myself to anyone else.  May You be glorified as I rest my situations in Your hands to work out all the struggles to Your glory, in Your sweet name!

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If We Are the Body…

Maybe like me you have been disappointed in the church, indicating the four wall type of church.  I have been in several church type conference settings where the Spirit of God has been alive and well and moving in an incredibly obvious way, breaking hardened hearts, ushering in a spirit of forgiveness and where healing is taking place physically, emotionally and spiritually.  It is so  where I want my church back home to be!  And when I don’t see God moving in my own environment I do become discouraged!

What a refreshing surprise to get to go to church, help lead the worship which I only do occasionally, and hear a message from Acts 3 where the lame man was healed…the pastor then asks why don’t we see that happen here?  And my question exactly, why don’t we?  I truly believe that there are several elements at play here but I rather like to think that what was stirred up was the question Jesus asked the paralytic in John 5 and that we could ask ourselves as well, “Do you want to be healed?”  Or is it just a faith issue, do we believe that God can do what He has shown He can do in many examples in the Bible or “other” people’s lives?  How about “nah, that was for those early church days all that miracle stuff.”

You know, I came to a place where I had to decide if this church stuff was for real.  I had to decide that even if the move of God wasn’t happening in my church that it is happening in His people and that I wanted to be one of the ones that it was happening in!  I did not want to miss out on a thing when it came to God and the move of His Spirit.  So for me it began with humble beginnings of a time of prayer and praise with a very few close friends.  I couldn’t make a thing happen on my own but I could let God change my heart and indeed he has undertaken to do just that.

So prayer is one of the keys that is unlocking the closed door to God moving in and amongst His people!  People are hungry for more of Him, people are tired of status quo, people are hurting, broken, addicted, living dysfunctionally and miracles?  What does that look like those described?

Prayer = an opening for God to move…and indeed, prayer happened one morning in my church when many people came forward and pastor anointed with oil and we all prayed for one another and I am believing that God is moving in the hearts and situations of this body of Christ.

Psalm 133 says it so very sweetly…

“Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!  It is like the precious oil on the head, running down on the beard, on the beard of Aaron, running down on the collar of his robes!   It is like the dew of Hermon, which falls on the mountains of Zion! For there the LORD has commanded the blessing, life forevermore.”

Three precious verses that reveal God’s pleasure when we unite together and instead of fragments of the body we are in sweet fellowship one with another.  Let me ask, can you pray for someone and be disgruntled with them?  I really don’t think I can!  Can you speak life into someone and be disgusted with them?  I want to say it is impossible.

God delights when His church comes together to breath life into one another and it is then that He ushers in a healing balm of forgiveness and heals brokenness and many other afflictions that the body today is suffering with.  We are a crippled, wounded body of Christ but on this particular morning, a body of Christ sought after God, and prayed for one another!  And frankly, I can’t wait to see what God is going to do next!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR7VOKQ0xJY]

 

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